we left the music behind and the dance carried on

2011-11-28T12:05:00.002-05:00

i want to visit paris, machu picchu, tokyo, turkey, patagonia, and antarctica.
i want a house to decorate. my master bedroom will be swathed in white and grey lace.
i want to have enough money to live comfortably and not worry about affording the things i want...which are mostly books.
i want to spend my afternoons reading and drinking tea, with my cats curled up next to me.
i want to knit a blanket, and actually finish it.
i want to have a job that i actually enjoy, with higher-ups who actually give a damn about their employees.
i want to be able to travel around the country and visit all my friends.

i want to be happy again.

from tumblr

2011-11-27T22:13:00.001-05:00

Clashing Sorrows

I never dared to say these words

I don’t think I’m that brave

I don’t know if they will be heard

I don’t know if they will be felt back

When you talked to me with words

I talked back to you with feelings

Words functioned by feelings

My weakness has been revealed

Why do I care? Why should I care?

When I haven’t even seen your face

Lightening up, looking right at me

Looking right through my soul

Right into my eyes as they sparkle

Sparkling with the sight of you

Get out of my dreams

If you ever loved me

Would you hold me?

Just to reassure me of my feelings

That my feelings have a meaning

That my heart has finally chosen

The one I’d gladly call ‘love of my life’

Is it you?

Has it always been you?

For this image of you

Will stay with me

For as long as I can remember

Before I grow too old to lose

All the memories of you

All the dreams I’ve built

All the hopes of finally holding your hands

Just as I’ve always dreamed of

Feelings won’t be vanished into thin air

Until the very last breath I’d be wasting

Until the last heart beat

-Submitted by still-dreaming-out-loud

all i want

2011-10-14T01:05:00.003-04:00

is to be in your arms right now, feeling your breath on my neck as you say, "i want to be with you."

did you know?

2011-10-02T12:18:00.001-04:00

Did you know that grace flows through
your veins riding on the back of droplets
of blood and that when a cut
accidentally finds its way to your
skin it jumps off and clings
to any and everything inside you.
It fights like you fight and stays
inside you at all times.
Did you know I want to be the fabric
I want to be the dress
I want to be whatever you wear
to cover up your naked flesh?
I want to be the sound of your
heart beating and the smell
of rain as it drips down the small
of your back.
Did you know that you are the most
beautiful thing I have ever touched?
Ever traced and studied and calmed
and held in my hands?
Did you know that I dream of you
and even before I’ve had dreams
inside those dreams and even still
even then you’re the star and the
light that guides me through the
darkness that surrounds my sleeping body.
Did you know that if I died and came
back one hundred different times, one of those
times I would beg my karma to come back
as the sound your lips make as they
transition effortlessly between
I and Love when you whisper I love you.
One life I’d want to come back as nothing
but the breath that stirs inside you
and one life, if given the chance to
choose I’d be the sea and pray
that that time around you found
yourself a ship made of stronger stuff
than I am made of so you could float atop
me. Or perhaps that simple and perfect time
around, a mermaid so you called me home.
Did you know I’m not willing to get used
to the sensation of missing you? I refuse
to become numb on the occasion of your absence
and I will never grow familiar with the
taste of my own lips when not flavored
with the sweetness of yours.
Did you know that until the day came
when I met you and your eyes caught
my eyes and my life became yours
I never had a single, solitary fear.
I do not mean I was immune to nerves or the
scattered breath that accompanied
some small anxiety, but fear. I am now
without pride or ego, terrified of living
without you. Death, come when you will
say what you wish and hold my hand when it is
time, but life, please don’t make me know
the bitter and beautiful agony of understanding
how to walk through a day without you.
Did you know that I know you?
More than you know yourself and without
doubt more than any single other body has
ever known any single other body in the history
of this world or any other. I know
before you know when your heart reaches out
and I know without you requiring the assistance
of a glance or graze when you are scared
or lonely or tired or hungry or angry or worried
or blinded by absolute excitement.
Did you know I am yours?
Did you know that I will always be yours?
Did you know that I have waited my entire life
to have you be mine?
Did you?

-Tyler Knott Gregson-

2011-09-26T00:49:00.002-04:00

things that i feel i am able to successfully deal with and handle during the day come to haunt me at night. im alone and lonely and have nobody to cuddle with and the one person i DO want to cuddle with, i know theres no chance. im so tired of my own thoughts attacking me at night.

also, forgetting to take your antidepressants 3 nights in a row doesnt help a whole lot either.

from now on

2011-08-24T22:58:00.001-04:00

i will pay more attention to my brothers opinion on guys i bring home. because 9.99 times out of 10, hes been pretty damn spot-on.

the rede (an it harm none)

2011-06-10T23:16:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZQiDrD7L5k

I've been blessed with many lovers and I'd grant the same you
Though I suppose I'd skip a broken heart or two
I confess that I am troubled by that pious vocal few
When they cross the line and tell us what to do

Ah But life's too short for all this worry - I offer myself to you whole
Life's too long for lies to carry any more weight in this world

And it harm none, do what ye will
As the circle has bound us, bound we are still
Though the bottle be empty, may the cup remain filled
And it harm none, do what ye will

I will call the four directions, I will cast a circle here
I will put my feet upon the holy ground
In the shadow there reflected I will find and face my fear
And we all know there is fear a'plenty round

Ah But life's too short for all this worry - I offer myself to you whole
Life's too long for lies to carry any more weight in this world

An it harm none, do what ye will
As the circle has bound us, bound we are still
Though the bottle be empty, may the cup remain filled
And it harm none, do what ye will

Every act of love and pleasure is a prayer along the way
With everything between the living Earth and Sky
When it's all of life we treasure through the endless spinning days
In our actions you will know us by and by

Ah But life's too short for all this worry - I offer myself to you whole
Life's too long for lies to carry any more weight in this world

And it harm none, do what ye will
As the circle has bound us, bound we are still
Though the bottle be empty, may the cup remain filled
And it harm none, do what ye will

Snakecharmer

2011-04-28T23:38:00.001-04:00

As the gods began one world, and man another,
So the snakecharmer begins a snaky sphere
With moon-eye, mouth-pipe. He pipes. Pipes green. Pipes water.

Pipes water green until green waters waver
With reedy lengths and necks and undulatings.
And as his notes twine green, the green river

Shapes its images around his songs.
He pipes a place to stand on, but no rocks,
No floor: a wave of flickering grass tongues

Supports his foot. He pipes a world of snakes,
Of sways and coilings, from the snake-rooted bottom
Of his mind. And now nothing but snakes

Is visible. The snake-scales have become
Leaf, become eyelid; snake-bodies, bough, breast
Of tree and human. And he within this snakedom

Rules the writhings which make manifest
His snakehood and his might with pliant tunes
From his thin pipe. Out of this green nest

As out of Eden's navel twist the lines
Of snaky generations: let there be snakes!
And snakes there were, are, will be--till yawns

Consume this piper and he tires of music
And pipes the world back to the simple fabric
Of snake-warp, snake-weft. Pipes the cloth of snakes

To a melting of green waters, till no snake
Shows its head, and those green waters back to
Water, to green, to nothing like a snake.
Puts up his pipe, and lids his moony eye.

~ Sylvia Plath

crack dream

2011-04-20T11:24:00.000-04:00

so i was at an atm and this guy comes up behind me and pulls me to the ground. im screaming and telling him he can take my money just let me go and he says its not your money i want so then i start screaming because hes gonna rape me and luckily a cop pulls up and the guy runs. i go home crying and mom says she has a surprise for me to cheer me up. she takes me to go meet nsync, and i mustve met them before because they all recognize me. in this dream nsync consists of justin lance jc and a girl who looks like a cross between britney spears and topanga from boy meets world. i go say hi to the girl first and she gives me a hug and she must be psychic or something because she knows what happened at the atm and gives me a super long hug and tells me everything is okay. so then im at some fancy hotel where someone is hosting a prom for all the exchange students who were on the trip i chaperoned. i put on a random yellow dress and people start calling me belle. then i realize i have no money for a ticket so i go back to the atm and the same guy is there and he starts chasing me and luckily another cop is there. so i run back to the hotel all upset and i run into rupert grint in the hallway. i guess the harry potter cast is all vacationing together and staying at this hotel lol. so i run into him and im so upset i just fling myself at him and cry and he holds me and comforts me and whatnot. so then we start kissing, and eventually he says we should go somewhere but i tell him we cant go back to my room because my roommate is there so we go back to his because he doesnt think anyone is in his room but daniel radcliffe is there watching tv and rupert tries to hint at him to leave but he doesnt get the hint so rupert and i just sit on the bed together.

little pleasures

2011-04-01T22:38:00.002-04:00

dark chocolate
listening to the rain as you fall asleep
a good book
a cup of tea
jeni's ylang ylang honeycomb ice cream
bellydancing whenever and wherever
a glass of wine
making a candle
finishing a scrapbook page
laying in bed on a lazy morning snuggled up in a fluffy white comforter
new jewelry
barnes&noble
harry potter
traveling
painting your nails
new shoes
laughing with good friends
a purring cat asleep in your lap
long hot showers
rays of sunshine on your face
standing on the beach late at night with the wind whipping through your hair, watching a thunderstorm far out at sea

wanderlust

2011-03-29T18:06:00.002-04:00

wan·der·lust (wndr-lst) n. A very strong or irresistible impulse to travel.

for as long as i can remember, i have wanted to travel the world. unfortunately, i am very broke lol. so whenever a travel opportunity at little to no cost pops up, i jump at it.

my friends parents have their own travel agency, and every year they do trips with rotary exchange students. last december i chaperoned the disney trip, and i just got back from chaperoning the eastern trip. we went to washington dc, manhattan, boston, hershey, and gettysburg. it was an amazing trip. it makes me wish i had known about the rotary exchange program in high school; seeing how much fun the kids have and the friendships they form makes me so jealous. yes i get to go on the trips, but being a chaperon is different than experiencing these trips as an exchange student. i would have loved to be an exchange student in high school. if my kids ever have the opportunity to do so, i will do everything in my power to ensure they can go. anyway.

so now ive been bitten by the travel bug and im restless just sitting at home. luckily, i have at least 3 more trips planned for this year :) my parents are thinking of taking a family vacation and going to weeki wachee river in florida this summer. its on the gulf coast of florida. there are manatees that swim in the river, and from looking at pictures of the area it seems like it will be such a relaxing vacation. plus my aunt lives in orlando, so i think wed take our grandparents on vacation with us and all go visit her :) she has MS and its very hard for her to travel because of it, and my grandparents are getting older so its harder for them to travel too, so this would be a really good thing.

my mom and grandma take a girls trip every year up to massachusetts/new hampshire to visit with family (my mom was born in MA) and this year i have been invited to go with them. i am SO EXCITED!! ive wanted to do this trip with them for years :)

i am also chaperoning the disney trip again this december, and im so excited about it :)

we are also talking about going up to vermont in may to visit our friend at grad school. for as often as ive been to new england, ive never been to vermont, so im excited about that :)

also - and this is the most exciting thing - i will probably be going to france and england sometime in the next couple years! lizs dad wants to take her and her friends (which would be me, christine and jackie) on a trip because he did the same for her sister a few years ago. im not sure when its going to happen, but he is saying that it WILL happen. i seriously cried when he brought it up; paris is a dream of mine. and to be there with three of my bestest friends? amazing ♥

well...

2011-03-07T12:25:00.000-05:00

mitch and i have decided to go ahead and get a divorce. well, dissolution really, if that makes any difference. weve decided its for the best; hes unhappy and im unhappy and he acknowledges that i deserve better, i deserve to be happy. and honestly, i think my parents were right (*cringes*) and that we got married too fast. i mean i really havent been single since i was 17; i was in a 2-yr relationship then a month after that ended i went into another 2.5-yr relationship and then a couple months after that ended i started dating mitch. so i honestly dont know who i am on my own, without the identity of being a married woman. so this is whats best for us. and its going to be amicable, neither of us has any animosity towards the other. we actually just sat down and talked about it and decided who would keep what furniture-wise and we decided what to do about finances. as for the cats, im going to keep them but theyre going to stay with him until i can find a place of my own; ill be moving in with my parents for awhile to be able to save up money and they already have 2 cats so i wouldnt be able to bring mine there. overall im feeling as good about this as i can, and i honestly think ill be okay. i mean yea it sucks balls, i still love him, but theres no point in fighting for something that only one person wants. and my friends aunt is an attorney and has offered to help me out at a deeply discounted rate so that helps. so...yea. thats the situation.

rape culture and eminem

2011-02-13T22:48:00.002-05:00

please tell me why anyone thinks eminem has any redeeming qualities anymore? there is nothing good about his music/message. he is a woman-hating mysoginist pig, and no that opinion does not mean i am a feminazi - it means i do NOT buy into the victim-blaming, slut-shaming rape culture we are living in. i mean really, look at these lyrics from "stay wide awake" and tell me how they are even a little bit okay

Fe Fi Fo Fum!
I think I smell the scent of a placenta
I enter Central Park it's dark, it's winter in December
I see my target, whip my car in Park and approach her tender
Young girl by the name of Brenda and I pretend to befriend her
Sit down beside her like a spider, Hi there girl you mighta
Heard of me before see whore you're the kinda girl that I'd a-
-ssault and rape and figure why not try to make your pussy widea
Fuck you with an umbrella and then open it up while the shits inside ya
I'm the kinda guy that's mild but I might flip and get a little bit wilda
Impregnate a lesbian, yea now let's see ya have triplets and I'll di-
-sintegrate them babies, as soon as they out hoe, with formalde-
-hyde in cyanide girl, you can try and hide, you can try to scream louda

...seriously? how is that is any way shape or form acceptable?!
not to mention at least for me, that shit is triggering as hell having my name in there. thank god i was never raped, but i WAS sexually abused. can you imagine how triggering this would be for someone who WAS raped? this is NOT OKAY. there is NOTHING okay with rape, rape jokes, rape culture, etc. but unfortunately thats what were living in - rape culture. a culture that makes rape jokes funny, that tell women its their fault for getting raped (you shouldntve been drinking so much, wearing such revealing clothing, etc) NO. victim-blaming is WRONG and there is no one to blame but the RAPIST. but unfortunately we live in a society that favors the rapist over the victim. it disgusts me.

Mad Girl's Love Song

2011-02-10T22:58:00.003-05:00

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

~Sylvia Plath

march cant come fast enough!

2011-01-28T00:41:00.000-05:00

NYC baby!!

run devil run

2011-01-19T21:57:00.001-05:00

i am LOVING this song right now!!

why i am boycotting Urban Active's Graceland location

2011-01-06T16:49:00.003-05:00

it should not be a difficult thing to ensure your employees are properly informed. i called the gym the day after xmas to see if there was a bellydance class since its the holidays and was assured there was. well i got there and nope, no class. this is the second time this had happened to me and i was pissed. i sent this email:

To Whom It May Concern:

I am an Urban Active member and regularly attend the Sunday belly dance classes at 4:00 PM. It being the day after Christmas, I called this morning to ensure there would still be a class. I was assured there would be. Upon arriving, I noticed a sign on the door of the group fitness room stating that there would be no classes today. The same thing happened to me on Sunday 10/31, Halloween. I called in the morning to see if there would still be a belly dance class that day and was told there would be but, again upon arriving, I saw a sign stating that afternoon classes were cancelled. I am upset about this because on both occasions I was assured there would be a class, went and drove all the way out to the gym only to find out I had been misinformed. This is a waste of both my time and my gas money. It should not be so hard to make sure your employees have the correct information regarding classes on any given day, so that that information can be relayed correctly to members such as myself. The disorganization and inefficiency shown on these two occasions is very unprofessional and I am very displeased.

Sincerely,
Brenda G.

Also, to ensure this doesn't happen again, if possible I would like the email address of the belly dance instructor, Kxxxxx Mxxxxx, so that in the future I can contact her directly.

so, after almost two weeks without a response from them, i decided to call them. i just got off the phone with the manager and explained the situation and how i was very displeased and disappointed with the lack of organization and professionalism. first of all, he told me that he never received an email, which idk whether or not i believe him since i copy-pasted the email address from their website. although it is always possible that the email just randomly got lost in transit i guess. secondly, when i voiced my displeasure about how the employees did not have the correct information, he told me (in a rather snotty voice) that the holiday schedules were posted on the door to the group fitness room as well as the front door two weeks prior to xmas. now im calling bullshit on that, because i do NOT remember seeing anything like that UNTIL the day after xmas, when all this happened. general holiday hours maybe, but definitely not a class schedule. i told him that, and i also told him that if that really were the case and my memory was off, that there is even LESS of an excuse for the employees not to have the correct information. so then i asked him for the belly dance instructors email so i could contact her directly and he gave me the group fitness coordinators email, since she handles all that stuff. mind you i had to almost beg him for it; i asked if he had the email address and he said no the group fitness coordinator handles all the class instructors and would have the email address. i said well can i speak with her please and he said no she is not in today due to the weather (and mind you the "weather" is light snow with less than an inch of accumulation *rolls eyes*) so i said well okay is there any way i can leave her a message? and he finally gave me her email address. ugh. i said thank you and he said youre welcome very abruptly and hung up. no final apology, no "and again i am very sorry for your experience," nothing. i mean maybe im expecting too much, but if i were working and a customer called me with a reasonable complaint i would apologize profusely, do everything in my power to correct the mistake or make amends, and make sure that the last thing they heard before hanging up was another apology. but no. this guy, who is supposed to be a manager and a professional, sounded sarcastic and uninterested when apologizing and almost had an attitude of how dare i make a complaint and well it was my fault anyway for not seeing the supposed signs (which i swear to you were not there). again, i am highly disappointed and pissed off at this particular location and have no plans to ever visit again. thank god theres another location about the same distance from me lol. and luckily this problem location no longer offers bellydance, so i have no reason to go back. now i just REALLY hope the group fitness coordinator responds to my email!

i considered asking for the corporate number and making a complaint about this rude-ass manager, but im just done with the whole thing.apart from getting the instructors email, i am beyond caring about any of this.

should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind...

2010-12-31T10:04:00.002-05:00

heres what happened in 2010:
~ i took my first bellydance workshop with the amazing ariellah and became hooked
~ mitch was medically/honorably discharged from the army and we moved back home to OH
~ we celebrated out 2 year anniversary
~ i attended tribal revolution in chicago and not only got to take more workshops with ariellah, but also one with amy sigil of unmata
~ i finally got to chaperon a mcmurray trip, this one to disney world, and got to meet some amazing exchange students

what im looking forward to in 2011:
~ chaperoning the eastern trip and going to boston, DC and NYC
~ attending tribal revolution again and meeting rachel brice (!!!)
~ celebrating our 3 year anniversary ♥
~ actually being able to celebrate christmas with my family and husband at them same time - heres hoping nobody gets bronchitis again! lol

happy xmas eve!

2010-12-24T15:09:00.001-05:00

;)

2010-12-21T23:15:00.001-05:00

blessed solstice!!

2010-12-21T08:56:00.001-05:00

Yule, (pronounced EWE-elle) is when the dark half of the year relinquishes to the light half. Starting the next morning at sunrise, the sun climbs just a little higher and stays a little longer in the sky each day. Known as Solstice Night, or the longest night of the year, much celebration was to be had as the ancestors awaited the rebirth of the Oak King, the Sun King, the Giver of Life that warmed the frozen Earth and made her to bear forth from seeds protected through the fall and winter in her womb. Bonfires were lit in the fields, and crops and trees were “wassailed” with toasts of spiced cider.

Children were escorted from house to house with gifts of clove spiked apples and oranges which were laid in baskets of evergreen boughs and wheat stalks dusted with flour. The apples and oranges represented the sun, the boughs were symbolic of immortality, the wheat stalks portrayed the harvest, and the flour was accomplishment of triumph, light, and life. Holly, mistletoe, and ivy not only decorated the outside, but also the inside of homes. It was to extend invitation to Nature Sprites to come and join the celebration. A sprig of Holly was kept near the door all year long as a constant invitation for good fortune to pay visit to the residents.

The ceremonial Yule log was the highlight of the festival. In accordance to tradition, the log must either have been harvested from the householder’s land, or given as a gift… it must never have been bought. Once dragged into the house and placed in the fireplace it was decorated in seasonal greenery, doused with cider or ale, and dusted with flour before set ablaze be a piece of last years log, (held onto for just this purpose). The log would burn throughout the night, then smolder for 12 days after before being ceremonially put out. Ash is the traditional wood of the Yule log. It is the sacred world tree of the Teutons, known as Yggdrasil. An herb of the Sun, Ash brings light into the hearth at the Solstice.

A different type of Yule log, and perhaps one more suitable for modern practitioners would be the type that is used as a base to hold three candles. Find a smaller branch of oak or pine, and flatten one side so it sets upright. Drill three holes in the top side to hold red, green, and white (season), green, gold, and black (the Sun God), or white, red, and black (the Great Goddess). Continue to decorate with greenery, red and gold bows, rosebuds, cloves, and dust with flour.

Date: Dec. 20, 21, 22
Type: Lesser Sabbat
Etymology: The word “Yule,” is likely derived from an archaic Norse word “Jol,” meaning “a wheel.”
Symbolism: Rebirth of the Sun, The longest night and shortest day of the year, The Winter Solstice, Introspect, Planning for the Future, death of the Holly King (Winter), reign of the Oak King (summer).
Place in the Natural Cycle: Yule is the Winter Solstice, the shortest day and longest night of the year. At this time the sun rises and sets at its most southerly point. After this day the sun will begin to appear farther North each day, and the days will begin to grow longer. On Yule the Sun is at its most southeastern point over the Tropic of Capricorn in the northern hemisphere and has no apparent northward or southward motion.
Pagan Mythology: The dark time between Samhain and Yule draws to an end. We are half way through the weight of winter and celebrate the transition from death to life.
Animals: reindeer, the stag, mouse, deer, horse, bear, wren/robin,
Astral/Mythological Beings: Snow faeries, storm faeries, trolls, ugly chaos monsters, jule gnome, phoenix, winter tree faeries, yule elf.
Altar Decor: Bells, holly, holly berries, ivy, mistletoe, oak, solar symbols, symbols of rebirth, candles, cinnamon sticks, fir or pine bows, fire, garlands, stars, wheel symbols, wreaths, Yule log, Yule tree.
Herbs: Bay, bayberry, blessed thistle, bougainvillea, cinnamon, cedar, chamomile, frankincense, ginger, holly, ivy, laurel, mistletoe, moss, myrrh, nutmeg, pine cones, rosemary, sage, valerian, yarrow.
Flowers: poinsettia, tropical flowers, dried flowers, mistletoe flowers.
Trees: All evergreens. Cedar, fir, juniper, larch, oak, pine, spruce, yew.
Celtic Tree Month: Elder (Ruis)
Planetary ruler: Saturn
Zodiac: Zero degrees Capricorn.
Moon: Oak Moon, Snow Moon, Ice Moon, Wolf Moon, Cold Moon, Winter Moon. The full moon after Yule is considered to be the most powerful of the whole year.
Traditional Foods: Apples, beans, caraway cakes soaked with cider, cookies, dried fruit, fruitcake, ginger bread, nuts, oranges, pears, pork, poultry, short bread, roasted turkey.
Traditional Drinks: Cider, eggnog, ginger tea, hibiscus tea, mulled wine
Incense: Apple Spice, bayberry, cedar, cinnamon, chamomile, frankincense, ginger, juniper, myrrh, nutmeg, pine, rosemary, saffron, sage, sandalwood, wintergreen.
Tools: Candles, cauldron, chalice, bell, horned helmet, lantern, Yule log.
Stones/Gems: Rubies, bloodstones, garnets, emeralds, diamonds.
Goddesses: Brigid, Isis, Demeter, Gaea, Diana, The Great Mother.
Gods: Apollo, Ra, Odin, Lugh, The Oak King, The Horned One, The Green Man
Colors: Red, green, gold, white, silver.
Threshold: dawn
Taboos: Extinguishing Fires, and Traveling.
Oils: Cedar, ginger, juniper, myrrh, nutmeg, pine, rosemary, saffron, wintergreen.
Spellwork: Spells concerning renewal. Peace, new beginnings, harmony, love, happiness, prosperity spells.
Meditations: Creative inspiration, death and re-birth, inner renewal, new life, light out of darkness, return of the Sun, the Mysteries, regeneration, reflection/introspection, transformation.

Ways to Celebrate

- Gift-exchanging with friends and family.
- Decorate Yule Tree
- The feeding of creatures have been associated with Yuletide holidays for hundred of years in Europe. To continue this tradition feed our feathered friends as a family project. See who comes to visit your little sanctuary and identify them with a field guide, try stringing peanuts in the shell and popcorn garlands for the trees.
- Tell stories.
- Let your child stay up with you all night, and watch the Yule log burn. If your child (or you!) can’t make it all night long, wake up extra early and plan a dawn picnic in a park, or on a hill, or somewhere where you can watch the sun rise.
- Make a wreath out of pine boughs that the family collects on a family outing. Put the wreath in a visible location, such as on the front door, on an inside wall, or in the center of the dining table.
- When summer solstice arrives it may be burned in the fire.
- Make or decorate a special red candle to light on Yule.
- Make a Yule Log
- Bake Sugar Sun Cookies.
- Keep a candle lit throughout the night to encourage the Sun to keep it company. Make sure the candle is in a safe place where it can’t accidentally set your home ablaze.
- Create a ritual of re-birth. Let it begin with all in darkness, and, throughout the ritual, light candles until you are surrounded by warmth and brightness.
- Donate to food-banks, or give to a child toy charity.
- Gather up Yule greens after 12th night and save. At Imbolc, burn the greens to banish winter and usher in spring.
- Make offering to household and nature spirits during this cold time.
- String popcorn and cranberries and hang them on an outdoor tree for the birds.
- Hang little bells on the Yule Tree to call the spirits and fairies.
- Make a Yule log. Drill three holes in it to hold three candles of white, red, and black. (Don’t let the candles burn down *into* the wood!)

~from iheartpaganism

in love with this song ♥

2010-12-06T21:34:00.001-05:00

i have to vent

2010-12-05T22:09:00.003-05:00

first of all, i wanted to apologize for neglecting this blog in favor of tumblr lol. and as soon as tumblr stops being a douche i will post a link to mine :)

okay now for the venting. CAN SHITTY THINGS PLEASE STOP HAPPENING TO MY FRIENDS?!?!? i mean SERIOUSLY, enough is enough!! i am still an active member on http://militaryissuedlove.net/ and i have many dear friends on there who mean the world to me. but lately it seems like everything that can go wrong for us, is going wrong!! in the last 2 weeks, AT LEAST 5 of us have had serious relationship problems! including one of the most amazing girls i have ever had the pleasure of knowing, finding out her husband is a cheating douchebag! it was seriously like one person posted about relationship problems, and then like every single day for a week someone else was posting about bad shit! i liked it a lot better when the trend was posting about having had a baby. seriously, like 10 girls all had their babies within a 3-month timespan :lol:
and now come to find out one of the girls has just lost her sixth - yes, sixth - baby. my heart is absolutely breaking for her and her husband. there are so many women on that board who would make amazing, wonderful, beautiful mothers and yet they struggle with infertility. its hearbreaking, and it is so unbelieveably unfair.
idk what the ladies of MIL.net have done to piss off the universe, but HEY UNIVERSE, BACK THE FUCK OFF!!

i want this.

2010-12-04T15:01:00.001-05:00

happy thanksgiving!!

2010-11-25T10:13:00.001-05:00

;)

i am harry potter

2010-11-23T21:57:00.001-05:00

aaahahahahah this is amazing XD

I Am Harry Potter from Daniel Radcliffe

general facts not disclosed in the harry potter books

2010-11-16T12:50:00.000-05:00

Prefects can take points; Ron got it wrong in Order of the Phoenix, which makes him a pretty poor prefect, eh?
Fred and George Weasley were born on April Fools’ day (no joke).
Ginny Weasley’s first name is Ginevra, and she is the first female Weasley born for “several generations,” says JKR.
Arthur Weasley has two brothers.
Molly Weasley’s maiden name is Prewett.
Crookshanks is half Kneazle.
The infamous Weasley cousin who was cut from the books was named Mafalda. She was in Slytherin.
Dean Thomas’s father was killed by Death Eaters when he refused to join them. Neither Dean nor his mother know.
Dean Thomas was named Gary in the first drafts of the Philosopher’s Stone.
Hagrid, Lily, and James were in Gryffindor. (Hagrid was NOT in Hufflepuff.)
Hogwarts has about a thousand students. (True, that number doesn’t seem right, but J.K.R. said so, and she’s the boss.)
James Potter was a Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team (although the movie claimed he was a Seeker).
Hermione’s birthday is September 19th; Ron’s is March 1st.
James Potter inherited lots of money and didn’t need a well-paying profession.
James Potter inherited the Invisibility Cloak from his father.
Witches and wizards have longer life-spans than Muggles.
The Gringotts’ goblins return the Muggle money they acquire back into circulation.
The approximate value of a Galleon is about five pounds ($7.30 or 8.00 Euro), though the exchange rate varies.
Dumbledore is 150, McGonagall is 70 (and is really an old softy; she just doesn’t act like it), Snape is 35 or 36.
Hogwarts’ school motto, “Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus,” means, “Never tickle a sleeping dragon.”
If placed in front of a mirror, the inscription on the Mirror of Erised (“Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi”) reads, “I show not your face but your heart’s desire.”
The happiest people do not become ghosts. (Therefore, we can assume that ghosts are people that died while sad, angry, etc. Myrtle was teased; Nearly Headless Nick didn’t have his head completely chopped off; the Bloody Baron was…lonely?)
The Hogwarts teachers do not stay at Hogwarts during the Christmas holidays. However, Filch, Hagrid, and Dumbledore do.
A few of the Hogwarts professors have spouses, but that information is restricted for reasons we will find out about later.
To remove the tail that Hagrid gave Dudley in the hut on the rock, the Dursleys went to a private hospital where the staff was very discreet, and said that a wart had gone out of control.
Aragog is an Acromantula (see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them).
Dragons can’t be domesticated, no matter what Hagrid thinks.
There is more to the cats in the story (Crookshanks, Mrs. Figg’s cats, Mrs. Norris, etc.) than meets the eye.
The animal an Animagus turns into is a reflection on his/her personality.
For Hagrid, keeping dangerous creatures is all about overcoming something that could kill him.
Azkaban is in a sea north of the North Sea. A very cold sea.
You can do unfocused and uncontrolled magic without a wand (like when Harry blows up Aunt Marge), but to perform really good spells, you need a wand.
Muggle education is not required for wizard children prior to attending Hogwarts.
A magical quill detects the birth of every magical child and records it in a book and Professor McGonagall sends an owl to each child when he or she turns eleven.

this is so, so wrong

2010-11-14T19:39:00.001-05:00

http://www.alternet.org/belief/148852/kentucky%27s_defense_strategy:_%22reliance_on_almight_god%22

just sayin.....

2010-11-04T21:38:00.000-04:00

samhain blessings!!

2010-10-31T12:43:00.001-04:00

According to Celtic lore, Samhain is a time when the boundaries between the world of the living and the world of the dead become thinner, allowing spirits and other supernatural entities to pass between the worlds to socialize with humans. It is the time of the year when ancestors and other departed souls are especially honored. Though Celtic Reconstructionists make offerings to the spirits at all times of the year, Samhain in particular is a time when more elaborate offerings are made to specific ancestors. Often a meal will be prepared of favorite foods of the family's and community's beloved dead, a place set for them at the table, and traditional songs, poetry and dances performed to entertain them. A door or window may be opened to the west and the beloved dead specifically invited to attend. Many leave a candle or other light burning in a western window to guide the dead home. Divination for the coming year is often done, whether in all solemnity or as games for the children. The more mystically inclined may also see this as a time for deeply communing with the deities, especially those whom the lore mentions as being particularly connected with this festival.

OH.MY.GAWD!!!!!

2010-10-29T00:12:00.004-04:00

deshret dance company. as if i could not love them any more, they go ahead and do something like this. i mean the whole thing is pure awesomeness anyway, but theres bits and pieces that are above and beyond. the little bit from 2:30-2:58 i totally learned in one of ariellahs workshops at tribal revolution. so that makes me happy ^_^ and that look shes giving at the 3:00 mark? who wouldve thought someone could look so murderous and still look so incredibly gorgeous?! but the real magic happens at the 7:00 mark. i mean seriously?! they could not have danced to a song any more guaranteed to win my heart ^_^ SO!! EPIC!!!

sigh of contentment

2010-10-21T08:50:00.003-04:00

im laying in bed in my flannel pajamas, all snuggled up under light gray sky blue blankets (probably the most comforting color combination ever), with the early morning sunlight coming through the window, and listening to the sundays. this promises to be a wonderfully relaxing day. and bellydance class tonight! so perfect.

SPIRIT DAY

2010-10-20T17:16:00.002-04:00

"On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in memory of the recent gay suicides. Many of them suffered from homophobic abuse in their schools or in their homes. We want to take a stand to say that we will not tolerate this. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that's exactly what we'd like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th to remember all the lives of LGBTQ youth that have been lost due to homophobia."

fckh8.com

2010-10-17T00:12:00.001-04:00

the hearse song

2010-10-11T11:00:00.002-04:00

Don't you ever laugh as the hearse goes by,

For you may be the next to die.

They wrap you up in a big white sheet
From your head down to your feet.

They put you in a big black box
And cover you up with dirt and rocks.

All goes well for about a week,
Then your coffin begins to leak.

The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out,
The worms play pinochle on your snout.

They eat your eyes, they eat your nose,
They eat the jelly between your toes.

A big green worm with rolling eyes
Crawls in your stomach and out your eyes.

Your stomach turns a slimy green,
And pus pours out like whipping cream.

You spread it on a slice of bread,
And that's what you eat when you are dead.

just to get you in the halloween spirit ^_^ lol

sigh

2010-10-07T10:17:00.002-04:00

everyone around me is either learning theyre pregnant or giving birth. when will it be my turn? :(

i know we cant afford a child, we arent ready for kids, and its just a bad idea right now for so many reasons.....but i really want to start a family :(

hell hath no fury like a vampire scorned!

2010-10-05T13:55:00.002-04:00

two of my favorite things ever: true blood and voltaire ^_^

ego boost :)

2010-09-26T19:03:00.002-04:00

the gym i joined has bellydance classes twice a week - thursdays at the polaris location and sundays at graceland. after class today i went up to ask the instructor about a hafla she had mentioned (december 4th, im excited^_^ ) and one of the other women there was asking her for help, since this was her first bellydance class. she couldnt get the hang of undulations and horizontal hip figure eights. then she saw me walk up and told me that she had been watching me during class - the instructor had been wearing a skirt so she couldnt see what she was doing with her elgs, so she watched me instead. then she was asking both the instructor and myself to show her how to do the moves. it made me feel REALLY good, since i am still very much a beginner. the fact that she thought i was good enough for her to ask me for help made me feel really good about myself ^_^

its the autumnal equinox!

2010-09-22T10:27:00.001-04:00

"In this overly sun focused culture, how do you honor the dark exactly? Record your dreams and do personal meditations. Face your negative emotions to find their core cause. Don’t sugar coat things. Not everything in life is lovely. That doesn’t mean we should ignore a situation if it’s hard. Honor the waning of things. Elderly are often “dealt with” rather than honored, listened to, and cared for. Listen to someone going through other endings such as an ending of a relationship or a personal loss. Don’t force people to quell expressing their pain. Often when intensive emotions come up for someone in ritual, they need a safe space to be able to work through those emotions, which are normally suppressed. Rather than forcing tissues or hugs on that person, witness their experience with support and patience. The ability and space to open up is one of the beauties of magickal space and pagan ritual. Past the pain of opening up is the peace of fulfillment, connection, and healing. Give that gift both to yourself and the people with whom you share circle."

~from witchvox.com

blessed mabon!!

♥

2010-09-14T22:15:00.000-04:00

autumn is here!!

2010-09-13T13:18:00.002-04:00

well not officially, but for me it is!! i went with my family to lynd's fruit farm this weekend to pick apples. weve been going since i was like 2 years old and it is one of our favorite traditions. we always pick cortland apples because they make the best applesauce :) we also got fresh apple cider, then made our way into their tent where mom bought some pumpkins to make pies and bread with, and i picked up some pure maple syrup, strawberry jam for the hubbs, and something called frog jam for myself (it is amazingly delicious; its fig, raspberry, orange and ginger. hence, "frog"). then mom taught me how to make applesauce! weve all been helping her to make it for years, but this was the first time she actually walked me through the whole process. and let me tell you, applesauce is one of the easiest things int he world to make lol. mom usually makes a HUGE batch and freezes it so we have enough for the whole year. in fact i think she still has some in the freezer from last year lol. like i said this is one of our favorite traditions; for our family autumn starts when the applesauce is made, and shortly after that, the chili ^_^ which i am SUPER excited for!!

apple picking!

david and nathan - and davids pretty girlfriend :) - peeling and coring the apples

mom and i slicing and cooking the apples

i wish you could smell this!

look at all that delicious applesauce!! mmmmm ^_^

never forget

2010-09-11T12:04:00.001-04:00

the wind is full of a thousand voices

2010-08-21T19:18:00.000-04:00

i cannot wait for autumn. i am sick and tired of the constant heat and humidity. i want to be able to step outside and feel the crispness in the air, not feel like my makeup will sweat off in two seconds. i want it to be just chilly enough to require a light cardigan. i want to see the leaves change colors (and step on the crunchy ones). i want to watch OSU football and eat moms homemade chili. i want to go pick apples at lynds fruit farm (where my family has been going since i was little) and help mom make applesauce. i want to curl up under my favorite snuggly white blanket, with a cup of tea and a good book, and look out the window to see the geese flying south. thank god its almost september...

the so-called "ground zero mosque"

2010-08-17T16:14:00.000-04:00

so my friends and i have been discussing this and frankly, i am sick and tired of all the people who oppose the project but dont bother to check their facts.

first of all, the mosque isnt even going to be AT gorund zero - its a full two blocks away! what is there is not ground zero, but an old abandoned burlington coat factory that was damaged from debris in the attacks. so theres a huge hole in the controversy right there.

secondly, its not even going to technically a mosque. the cordoba house (because thats what its ACTUALLY called) is designed to be an islamic community center, including a mosque but also an auditorium and a swimming pool. kind of like a YMCA.

can you imagine what an enormous gesture of peace it would be though, if a mosque were actually being built at ground zero? i think that would be the most beautiful gesture, especially in a country founded on the idea of religious freedom. but no, people are so preoccupied with the misconception that islam in general is bad and evil. listen up people, NOT ALL MUSLIMS ARE TERRORISTS!! just like not all christians back in the 12th century were supporters of the crusades. those who hijacked the planes on 9/11 were extremists, they were terrorists, and yes they were muslim. but that does not automatically make all muslims extremists. to think otherwise is ignorant and intolerant.

from Wikipedia: The specific location of the planned facility, so close to the World Trade Center “where a piece of the wreckage fell,” was a primary selling point for the Muslims who bought the building^. Abdul Rauf said it “sends the opposite statement to what happened on 9/11.” and “We want to push back against the extremists”.

for more information click here

well here goes nothing

2010-08-15T14:55:00.000-04:00

mom and i just joined urban active gym. we each paid for a full year membership instead of doing it month-to-month, and they were having a promotion so we paid like $100 less and got an extra 6 months free. so heres hoping its worth it!! i think going with my mom will definitely help. and i love this place; they have a womens only room, they have a theater room where theres a giant screen playing movies all day and a bunch of cardio machines (which i like because its really dark in there so no one can watch you exercise XD ) and a bunch of classes like yoga and zumba and even aqua zumba which sounds like fun. plus the guy said they even occasionally have bellydance classes, which i will be dragging my mom to lol. so im excited. my wallet however is not so happy >.<

ed, you have to go be gay for that poor dead intern.

2010-08-10T21:31:00.000-04:00

i have started this entry at least 5 times and it all sounds just dumb. so pretty much heres whats been happening.

- found out a close family friend has cancer, but they caught it early and shes doing really well
- went out for my bday, had a blast, dont remember half the night
- spent the next day recovering and skipped the dublin irish festival
- my soulmate and her hubby were in town and stayed the night last night, had a BLAST!!
- grandpa is back in the hospital, and right now the doctors are thinking cancer, but apparently its still too early to tell
- our anniversary is tomorrow and were going to house of japan for dinner

i am exhausted, both physically and with all the bad shit, mentally and emotionally. so much has happened in a single week and i just want to check out for a bit. i want to run away to massachusetts for a bit and spend my time in salem and on the beach, reading and bellydancing and doing absolutely nothing responsible. and by nothing responsible i do not mean wild nights of drinking and debauchery, i mean i dont want to worry about bills or cleaning or hospitals or ANYTHING. i need a vacation from life so bad. apparently i do not deal well with crises. add to this the fact that i really dont know how much more grandpa can take (this is the third time in a year hes been hospitalized) and its freaking me the hell out because ive never really had to deal with death in my life yet. both my great-grandmothers died when i was too young to really get it and i dont remember them much at all, and my great grandpa died when i was in grade school and i hadnt really gotten to know him all that well because he lived in a nursing home that was a bit of a drive. ive grown up with all four of my grandparents alive and well and while on the one hand i am so blessed to have that, it also makes it just that much harder when they do eventually die just because ive known them all my life. ive never really had to deal with death, and the reality that i probably will very soon (because lets face it, my grandparents arent exactly young) just scares the hell outta me.

*deep breaths* wooooooooooooooooosa.....

im sorry for the lack of a substantial update lol

2010-08-07T09:07:00.000-04:00

i just havent been in a blogging mood lately. hopefully that will change soon :) for now, its an exciting few days coming up!!

today - it are my birfday!! ^_^ a bunch of us are going to the garage bar and getting shitfaced XD

tomorrow - dublin irish festival/attempt to break the world record for the largest gathering of redheads! of course im dragging my gigner husband along ^_^

monday - MY SOULMATE COMES TO SEE ME!!!!!

wednesday - 2-year wedding anniversary ^_^

RIP Andyman

2010-08-06T18:24:00.003-04:00

1968-2010 ♥

oh you know, just a little more of my obsession lol

2010-07-27T23:31:00.004-04:00

ariellah. she is my idol ♥
(link for tine :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YW6Idf1fjY )

prettyyyyy ^_^

2010-07-25T11:17:00.000-04:00

so ive decided im going to save up my tips from work until i have enough to buy this gorgeous tribal bellydance skirt (choli and accessories not included)

its $88, and i already have $20 after one week (yea people dont tip well at graeters lol) so it shouldnt take too long to save up. i cant wait, its so prettyyyyy ^_^

shopping ^_^

2010-07-23T00:23:00.000-04:00

tarah and i went to easton the other day and i indulged in a little retail therapy ^_^ i got some basics at forever 21, a pretty tea set that ive had my eye on for months and months, and this epic apron of awesomeness:

yep, its an octopus apron!! i got it from anthropologie (i adore that store!!) i kinda have a thing for cephalopods ^_^ but isnt it cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute?! i cant wait to bake something! XD

brides across america

2010-07-14T11:56:00.003-04:00

h ttp://www.bridesacrossamerica.com/

this is an organization that works with bridal shops across the country to give military brides free wedding gowns. my sister michelle got hers yesterday in cincinnati, and it is gorgeous :) this is such a wonderful thing; its just one less thing for a military bride to stress over, and believe me, military significant others could use all the stress relief they can get!! :) if you know a friend or a friend of a friend who is either engaged to a serviceman or is in the service themselves and getting married, please pass this link along to them!

and for those interested, heres the news story with video; the local news station interviewed my sister and another girl at the event yesterday :) (i make a cameo appearance too XD lol)
http://www.wlwt.com/news/24246876/detail.html
and no, the dress she says she loves is not the one she ended up getting. hers is prettier lol.

new favorite

2010-07-12T18:27:00.002-04:00

bat for lashes ♥

meet our newest addition ^_^

2010-07-09T17:10:00.001-04:00

this is my baby, katie ^_^

yep, we are officially a two-car family! i am thrilled to pieces, now i dont have to wait on DH to get home to go somewhere and vice versa! its a 91 corolla, it was my grandpas. he cant drive anymore so we bought it :) its in REALLY good condition, and even though its 9 years older than our altima it has almost 40,000 fewer miles on it XD this is my car, the altima will stay mitchs car since it was his before we got married. im ecstatic!

yay for friends getting married!

2010-07-06T18:40:00.003-04:00

♥ congratulations to the new mr. and mrs. christopher coe!!! ♥ 7/3/10 ♥

is it weird that i love the smell of books?

2010-07-01T22:32:00.003-04:00

so if you know me then chances are you know i love to read. i always have. in first grade i was reading at a third grade level. so it makes me very sad that i havent had much time to read lately. ive been working so much, and im also ashamed to say that i have an internet addiction. between facebook, MIL, and StumbleUpon, i stay on my laptop for hours, usually doing nothing very important. its gotten to the point where ill refresh facebook and MIL obsessively, waiting for someone to say something interesting. and the whole time im thinking of all the books i could be reading, but i just cant tear myself away from the damn interwebz. i have a problem, and i must work to overcome it. especially since its just getting too nice outside for me to justify being "plugged in" for so long. i love to just sit outside and read. im becoming lazy and sedentary and it must change.

aaaaaaaaanyway, back to topic...

i have gotten a little more reading done lately, and i thought id pass along a few of my recommendations :)

the red tent by anita diamant
if you havent read this yet, you absolutely must. it is an absolutely amazing work of historical/biblical fiction. it brings to life the story of dinah, whose life was barely hinted at in the bible. it is a beautiful story of coming of age and the struggles of womanhood. i highly highly recommend this book.

the lace reader by brunonia barry
all the women in the whitney family have the ability to read a persons future in a piece of lace. when towner whitney is nearly driven to insanity from reading the lace, she leaves her hometown of salem MA and doesnt come back until many years later, after receiving news of her great aunts suspicious death. this is barrys debut novel, and i am excited to see what else she will come up with. from page one, the characters just drew me in. i lost myself so completely int his book; the characters were complex and intriguing, the storytelling was beautiful, this was just an all-around good book. not to mention it actually made me feel as if i were back in new england (a place i miss dearly and cannot wait to visit again), the detail and the skill of barrys storytelling were so great.

the time travelers wife by audrey niffenegger
if you liked the movie, you will LOVE the book. if you havent seen the movie yet, watch it before you read the book. while i appreciate the movie for what it was, it doesnt even approach the level of amazingness that is this book. if you read the book before seeing the movie, youll just be disappointed by all the things they left out.
this book is about a girl named clare, who meets her husband henry when she is six and he is 36. henry is a time traveler (duh), and the book revolves around their lives together and all the complications that naturally come with it. and i think a part of the reason i loved it so much was because it resonated on a level with me that many people cant understand. i was an army wife, and while my husband never deployed, we still had our separations, and they were long. as a military wife, sometimes you dont know when your husband will be home, when youll see him again. so while it wasnt exactly the same situation, i could relate to clare on that level to a certain extent; when henry disappeared she was never sure when he would be back. i highly recommend this book; you will laugh, you will cry, and you will absolutely fall in love.

and of course i have to give a shout out to a few of my all-time favorites. no description or summary here, youll just have to trust me and get to your local library as fast as possible :)
the sword of truth series by terry goodkind (okay so i know the summary on the site sounds totally cheesy but i promise you, if you like fantasy this is one of the best series you will ever read. my love for this series rivals my love for harry potter, and if you know how much i love harry potter then you know that thats saying something lol)
harry potter series by j k rowling (of course - i am a HUGE HP nerd ^_^ )
the lake of dead languages by carol goodman
dracula by bram stoker (im not usually one for classics, but this is just amazing. if youre into the whole vampire craze, you definitely need to read this one. and burn your copy of twilight while youre at it...real vampires have fangs and dont sparkle :p lol)
the fire rose by mercedes lackey
when we were gods by colin falconer
memoirs of a geisha by arthur golden (again, a million times better than the movie)

Copenhagen Declaration on Religion in Public Life

2010-06-30T09:59:00.002-04:00

http://open.salon.com/blog/douglas_berger/2010/06/29/copenhagen_declaration_on_religion_in_public_life

The recent Gods and Politics conference in Copenhagen adopted the following Declaration on Religion in Public Life. The conference was the first European event of Atheist Alliance International, and was co-hosted by AAI and the Danish Atheist Society.

We, at the World Atheist Conference: “Gods and Politics”, held in Copenhagen from 18 to 20 June 2010, hereby declare as follows:

* We recognize the unlimited right to freedom of conscience, religion and belief, and that freedom to practice one’s religion should be limited only by the need to respect the rights of others.

* We submit that public policy should be informed by evidence and reason, not by dogma.

* We assert the need for a society based on democracy, human rights and the rule of law. History has shown that the most successful societies are the most secular.

* We assert that the only equitable system of government in a democratic society is based on secularism: state neutrality in matters of religion or belief, favoring none and discriminating against none.

* We assert that private conduct, which respects the rights of others should not be the subject of legal sanction or government concern.

* We affirm the right of believers and non-believers alike to participate in public life and their right to equality of treatment in the democratic process.

* We affirm the right to freedom of expression for all, subject to limitations only as prescribed in international law – laws which all governments should respect and enforce. We reject all blasphemy laws and restrictions on the right to criticize religion or nonreligious life stances.

* We assert the principle of one law for all, with no special treatment for minority communities, and no jurisdiction for religious courts for the settlement of civil matters or family disputes.

* We reject all discrimination in employment (other than for religious leaders) and the provision of social services on the grounds of race, religion or belief, gender, class, caste or sexual orientation.

* We reject any special consideration for religion in politics and public life, and oppose charitable, tax-free status and state grants for the promotion of any religion as inimical to the interests of non-believers and those of other faiths. We oppose state funding for faith schools.

* We support the right to secular education, and assert the need for education in critical thinking and the distinction between faith and reason as a guide to knowledge, and in the diversity of religious beliefs. We support the spirit of free inquiry and the teaching of science free from religious interference, and are opposed to indoctrination, religious or otherwise.

Adopted by the conference, Copenhagen, 20 June 2010.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i totally and 100% agree with all of this. and i think its something our nations (not to mention state) leaders need to adopt. christians like to say that our country was founded on christianity. um no, it wasnt. our country was founded on the principles of religious freedom and the separation of church and state. we are a SECULAR nation, and we need to start acting as such.

jack i want you to draw me like one of your french girls...

2010-06-26T13:19:00.003-04:00

yea so im watching titanic, wanna make somethin of it?! dont judge me XD lol

so its been a long time since i updated. ive pretty much had no life and nothing to write about except work, and i didnt want to bore you lol. i havent had a break since i got back from chicago - today is my last say in a string of eleven days straight of working, with no day off. tomorrow is my day off, and even then i have to catch up on all the cleaning i havent had time or energy to do, plus make it to mitchs little cousins birthday party. oy. and i miss my friends (theyve been on the rotary western trip for like two weeks now and wont be back for a few more days) but even if they were here its not like id have the time or energy to hang out. stupid job, stupid being a grownup :p

tribal rev was INCREDIBLE. i had so much fun, and i learned so much. i also was able to keep up better than i thought i would :) dont get me wrong, i still got my ass kicked royally, but thats to be expected when learning from ariellah and unmata lol.

me with amy sigil of unmata (the picture quality sucks, my camera was on the wrong setting lol)

and with ariellah. seriously, this woman is my idol ♥

there are so many other bellydance events i want to go to...3rd coast tribal in texas, tribal fest and gothla in california...i know i keep saying it, but i *really* wish we had more money. i need to fuel my shimmy addiction XD

my friend vicki is getting married next saturday. i am so excited for her, and im honored to be one of her bridesmaids. but - and i know i have no real place saying this since its a million times worse for her - but i am so effing stressed out over it. my dress doesnt fit, its too tight in the hips (even with spanx). i had planned on losing weight (which i need to do anyway) but with the chaos of moving and getting settled in, it just never happened. and when i went to get it altered (it was too loose around my chest) they said they could only take it out in the hips about a quarter inch. so im pretty much screwed. i tried starving myself (yea, THAT lasted lol) now im trying a raw food diet, which ive heard good things about. last-ditch effort will be the acai berry cleanse; my friend lost 7 lbs in three days on it. so i might have to go buy that and pray that it works. on top of that, i still havent gotten shows or jewelry or anything because i dont know what she wants me to get. i havent heard anything specific, other than "silver." so i still have to go find shoes. then the rehearsal is on friday at 1730. i have a doctors appointment that day at 1445; it was the only time i could get in. the doctors office is like half an hour away from the church and the wait time at the office is ungodly long. so im not even sure ill make it in time. so yea, even though im crazy excited for vicki, ill breathe a lot easier when this wedding is over.

i think thats about it for now; i started writing this when i put titanic on and now its at the part where cal grabs the little girl and jumps into a lifeboat. just to give you an idea of how long this damn entry has taken me. i dont have a whole lot to say, and i have a very short attention span lol. ttfn.

tribal rev in t minus 2 days

2010-06-08T09:14:00.002-04:00

ariellah

unmata

deb rubin

I AM SO RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED!!!!! i leave for chicago on thursday and i wont be back til monday ^_^

memorial day

2010-05-30T20:56:00.002-04:00

This holiday weekend please remember that the reason you are enjoying a hot dog, a drink, and a day off work is because a soldier lost his life serving this wonderful country we call home. Please take a moment to remember the fallen, those they left behind, those who continue to serve, and the families who miss them everyday. Gone, but NEVER forgotten ♥

http://www.gazette.net/stories/05262010/montnew191317_32547.php

remember this memorial day: its the SOLDIER, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. its the SOLDIER, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. its the SOLDIER, not the politician, who ensures our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. its the SOLDIER who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag.

happy day!

2010-05-29T20:43:00.001-04:00

congratulations to the bishop watterson high school class of 2010!!! especially my brother david!! ♥

(god i feel so old, one brother just graduated, the other will be a senior next year...guess i better start looking for gray hairs and get my AARP membership XD lol)

this is going to be a bitchfest. youve been warned.

2010-05-27T23:55:00.003-04:00

i hate people who come in 5 minutes before closing and order smoothies and shakes. they take forever to make and its a pain in the ass.

i hate people who dont clean up after themselves. dont leave napkins and empty paper ice cream bowls on the table, we are not the kind of restaurant that has bussers.

i hate kids who fold their money up into something the size of a french fry. unfold your damn money so i can keep the line moving quickly.

i hate people who give me their order and then shove their money in my face. does it look like the register is in front of me?!

im kind of ashamed to say i work at graeters. i mean its a part-time job at an ice cream parlor, and im almost 24. its like, what am i doing with my life? i mean yes, i didnt work for a year. yes, this was the first/only job i could get right away after we moved back. but still.....at times i wish DH was back in the army and i could go back to being a housewife. im comfortable in that role, and there was absolutely no shame in saying that my job was to support my soldier. in fact, the pride i felt at times was absolutely overwhelming. i miss that.

sometimes i get really insecure and i feel like im "that friend," the one thats always around but that people just kind of put up with. i have no idea why. it doesnt happen so much with the friends ive known since grade school (although it does happen every once in a while), but it happens a lot with "newer" friends. like at the skybus reunion last weekend, i was genuinely surprised at how many people told me they were thrilled that i was back in the state and that we have to hang out sometime. and they were drunk off their asses, so you know they were being honest XD i think thats why i love the board so much; theres no real interaction, its all online. so theres no awkward lull in conversation in which i feel really out of place. but yea, no idea why i feel this way, i mean i dont think i have a reason to; i mean i like to think im a pretty likable person. sigh.

i hate that im so lazy. i have so many problems with the way i look, but zero motivation to actually get up and do something about it. id rather sit on the couch reading or watching tv than get up and do a workout dvd or something. but i have a bridesmaids dress to fit into in july thats a size too small, so i better get to it.

i hate worrying about money. like that song says, "i wanna be a billionaire, so freaking bad." probably 90% of our problems would be solved if we just had more money.

ummm i think thats all for now. id apologize for whining to yall, but this is my blog and ill whine if i want to :) lol

sunday randomness

2010-05-23T13:52:00.004-04:00

so i had a dream last night that i was back working at skybus, working a flight with like 6 other people. we were in the middle of giving the safety demo, taxiing out, and this guy gets up and starts running around drunk and belligerent. we tell him to sit down and calm down or we will have to turn the plane around. so he doesnt stop, i call up to the pilots and have them turn around and go back to the gate, where the FAA escorts him off the plane in handcuffs. then mitch picks me up and we drive home, only home was my parents house, which was actually the playboy mansion. hes sitting in the dining room and im in the kitchen, and all of a sudden his ex-fiancee jen shows up and starts discussing very intimate details of her sex life. i tell her that she better stop fucking talking about sex with my husband and she gives me this look like who the fuck do you think you are? so i punch her in the face XD and have security escort her out.

yea...weirdddddddddddd. i mean i completely understand where the first part came from; the skybus reunion was last night (SO much fun!!), we all did a drunken safety demo, and one of the guys got drunk off his ass and the manager took his keys. but the jen part...yea NO idea where that came from lol.

i made an awesome breakfast this morning - cheesy scrambled eggs, free-range pepper bacon from the farmers market, and blackberry streusel muffins. soooooooo good!!

we got our new tv today!! cj is setting up the tv stand right now - its huge and there are so many parts and its just a pain in the ass lol. the old tv has been moved to the master bedroom, where i am currently watching the jersey shore marathon XD

uuuuuuuuugh

2010-05-21T14:58:00.002-04:00

i am just not feelin it today. i am so unbelievably tired. i feel like i havent sat down for more than 5 minutes at a time in like a week. ive worked every single day this week so far, and im just not used to that anymore and its wearing me out. ive been sleeping in til like 10 every day and i hate it. i have too much to do. i set my alarm for 830 this morning so i could get up and shower and go grocery shopping but i ended up sleeping in til 945. grocery shopping is finally done, now i have to run out to babies r us and get a baby shower gift. then working again tonight since i picked up a friends shift. its a short shift, but still. then tomorrow is the marathon day - wake up at 0700, go to farmers market, go to baby shower at 11, go to whole foods and buy whatever i couldnt find at farmers market, try and clean a little bit, go to skybus reunion at 630 and get blissfully shitfaced. dont get me wrong, im excited for the baby shower and the reunion, but if i could get like 3 weeks sleep between now and tomorrow id be a much happier brenda. thank god i have sundays off. i plan on relaxing...and by relaxing i mean consuming an entire bottle of wine. and possibly some of the mikes hard black cherry lemonade i found at krogers today. ill clean a little bit, and i want to spend some time baking. i wanna make english muffin bread, strawberry banana bread, and blueberry muffins. well, maybe ill hold off on the muffins til next weekend. uuugh i just looked out the window and its raining again...i hate going out when its raining. maybe ill stop at barnes&noble and treat myself :)

shopping!

2010-05-20T17:08:00.001-04:00

i love buying bellydance stuff ^_^ today i bought a choli and a hip scarf.

this is the hip scarf i bought, except i got mine in white.

i am getting so excited for Tribal Rev next month!!!!!

i just cant be with you like this anymore..........alejandro

2010-05-20T09:09:00.002-04:00

despite waking up with the migraine that i went to bed with, im in a pretty good mood. i went to pochis with jackie, christine, dustin and brian last night. i had so much fun; it is SOOO indescribably good to be back around my old friends again. i mean i knew i missed everyone when i was in NC, but i dont think i realized just *how* much. so yay friends!

despite my aversion to twitter and high cell phone bills, i REALLY want a blackberry lol. i was at verizon yesterday transferring all my info into my replacement phone and i couldnt stop looking at the blackberry curve. its just so pretty!! but yes i feel like if i get a blackberry then i just have to get a twitter account, and i would die a little inside lol. but theyre so pretty.....my MIL addiction would be taken to a whole new level XD but im gonna talk to mitch about it, wait a few months and see what my paychecks are gonna be like, and then if we feel like we can afford the extra $30 a month on my phone bill then i think im gonna get one :)

i just realized yesterday that we are halfway through may. i mean i knew this already, but i realized that this means Tribal Rev is NEXT MONTH. and VERY SOON. im so freaking nervous about it. i mean dont get me wrong, i am superexcited, but i feel SO unprepared. i thought id be taking lessons right now, but we just cant afford it. so im gonna be so behind...i mean i cant even do a simple belly roll yet :( but, the tickets are nonrefundable and anyway i cant pass up the opportunity to study under not only ariellah, but also unmata. thats just too amazing of an opportunity to pass up.
which reminds me, i really need to book a hotel room. good thing i thought of this today, as today is the last day to book under the block of rooms they reserved at a discounted rate!

so i think when i go grocery shopping, im going to buy the stuff i need to make a few loaves of whole grain bread. im determined to start eating healthier and organic. and im just not convinced that the potato bread that mitch loves is really all that good for me lol. so ill buy some whole wheat flor, and some sunflower seeds and flax seeds and stuff to toss in there. maybe ill make sunday a baking day :)

since its getting warmer, my playlist has changed. whats on yours?
britney spears - 3
christina aguilera - not myself tonight
cobra starship - good girls go bad
ke$ha - tik tok
lady gaga - bad romance, alejandro, lovegame
nelly furtado - promiscuous
nil karaibrahimgil - seviyorum sevmiyorum
shakira - she wolf

irrational freakout time...

2010-05-14T20:28:00.002-04:00

so i was talking to one of my co-workers, E, yesterday. she was asking me if my ex's name started with a J, and i said yea his name is J****, why? she told me she was talking to a friend a few days ago and her friend was like "how do you know brenda?" i guess she saw it on facebook or something. but anyway yea this girl is dating J, or as i will refer to him from here on out, assface. so yea, Es friend is dating assface. that in itself doesnt bother me, im not petty enough to be jealous or whatever that hes in a relationship. but it gets better. i guess this girl awhile ago was dating their professor? (she and assface met in class) and she got pregnant. the prof told her to have an abortion but she refused, and i guess like the whole class turned on her, saying she wanted to make him lose his job or whatever. so i guess assface stuck by her side through all of it, through the entire pregnancy, now theyre dating. the baby is a month old and now i guess assface is thinking about adopting it?! since he was there with her through the entire thing.

first of all, i hope and pray that he treats her a hell of a lot better than he did me. although with his track record, i highly doubt it.

second of all, i know i have zero say in it, but under NO circumstances do i want him to adopt that child!! once he gets bored with this girl, hell leave her and where will that leave the child?! that baby deserves better. i mean i know it all sounds honorable and noble on the surface, but believe me when i say there is nothing honorable about that "man."

third.....i dont like that hes been telling her about me. i dont like it at all. i mean i understand, people tell their significant others about their past relationships. but i dont even want him to speak my name. i mean how else would she have known who i was when she saw me on Es facebook? hes told her about me, and i do not like it. but im willing to bet he hasnt told her the truth about our relationship. how many girls would stay with a guy if he told her he had sexually abused his exgirlfriend? she deserves to know the truth.

and to top it all off, E told me that the girl looks a lot like me. i think that, more than anything, gets to me. it disturbs me, actually, and im not entirely sure why. it just creeps me out that his new girlfriend looks like me.

i found her on facebook.....im trying to talk myself out of sending her a message and telling her the truth about our relationship; i know thats probably just gonna open up a whole can of drama llama. she deserves to know the truth. im just so worried for her, i dont want her to suffer like i did. and im worried for her baby too, being around him. the whole thing makes me sick. i want to tell her to run, and to run fast and not look back.

save the life of kiana firouz

2010-05-12T09:11:00.008-04:00

how is this not all over the news?!

from coilhouse.net:

Kiana Firouz, 27 years old, is an outspoken Iranian LGBT rights activist, filmmaker, and actress. When clips of her video documentary work featuring the struggle and persecution of gays and lesbians in her country were acquired by Iranian intelligence, agents began to follow Firouz around Tehran, harassing and intimidating her. She fled for England where she could safely continue her work and studies.

She plays a starring role in Cul de Sac, a documentary film produced in the UK about the condition of lesbians in Iran, and based heavily on Firouz’s own life story. Directed by Ramin Goudarzi-Nejad and Mahshad Torkan, the movie will premiere in London in a few days. Since the trailer was posted on YouTube in December 2009, Cul de Sac has attracted global media attention, with thousands of views. Apparently, some of those views included members of Ahmadinejad’s puppet media in Iran. They know who Firouz is and what she stands for. They want her to come back to the country she was born in to answer for it.

Firouz, understandably, has requested asylum from the British government. Much to everyone’s shock and dismay, the British Home Office has rejected her application for refugee status. Yes, they know she’s gay. Yes, they know she could deported back to Iran at any time, and that if this happens, Firouz will most likely be sentenced to torture and death after being found guilty of the “unspeakable sin of homosexuality” because she has participated in explicit lesbian sex scenes in the movie, and been a fierce proponent for human rights in her country.

In Iran, the punishment for lesbianism involving mature consenting women consists of 100 lashes. This punishment can be applied up to three times. After a fourth violation of Iranian law, a woman convicted of “unrepentant homosexuality” is finally executed by hanging, often publicly, in front of a howling mob.

From EveryOne Group:

Kiana filed for a court appeal following the Home Office’s decision to reject her application for asylum, but the judge overruled her appeal. According to Kiana’s lawyer, the last remaining chance is to appeal the judge’s decision, but the risk of deportation is imminent.

The EveryOne Group, an international human rights organization, which was involved in the asylum cases of the lesbian Pegah Emambakhsh, who risked being deported from London to Tehran in 2007, and of the Iranian gay, Mehdi Kazemi, appeals to the British government and the democratic forces of the European Union, the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees, Antonio Guterres, that Kiana Firouz be immediately guaranteed adequate humanitarian protection and that the order for her deportation be repealed, given that on return to Iran she will face a death sentence not only because a lesbian but because of her civil rights activism.

The EveryOne activists invite concerned readers to send protest e-mail messages to the British Home Office (public.enquiries@homeoffice.gsi.gov.uk) requesting that Kiana receive refugee status as soon as possible, for she is a symbol of the international fight against homophobia and repression of gays and lesbians in Islamic countries.

I’ve spent a fair amount of my day researching, fact-checking and verifying this story, and I can’t figure it out: why is this news not EVERYWHERE right now? Why is this petition for Firouz so anemic? There should be hundreds of thousands of names on that list.

And yet, I am only just catching wind of Firouz’s story from a chance visit to Kim Vermillion’s blog, where Kim posted a heartbreaking letter written by an Italian friend of hers, Sylvia K. An excerpt:

No major newspaper even remotely talks about Kiana’s story, nor do gay activists. People don’t seem to care much at all. I do. Last night I wrote to Kiana. Nothing much, only to say that I was so saddened and angry, that her story had moved and inspired me and that I was SO thankful to her for standing up for what she truly believed in… This morning before going out I found her reply. It goes like this :

“Dear Sylvia
I am proud of you. we should proud of each other for being strong. I am so thankful for your supportive and kindly letter. It does not matter what is going to happen to me. Its all about freedom.
Take care and do not forget you are not alone, we are many…
Kiana”

I wrote it on a piece of paper and hurried out of the house.

I spent the greater part of this rainy day sitting in one of the University’s courtyards, crying alone [...] I look at myself, always complaining about homophobia in Italy, about the fact we have no equal rights, and I feel like a fucking piece of shit. Because for me, it is SO easy to go to London, to Paris, to Berlin and be the butchest fiercest lesbian around, without having to be afraid of being lashed 100, 200, 300 times and then hung, a thick rope around my neck, people rejoicing all around.

It does matter what happens to Kiana Firouz. This should not be a reality for her, or anyone else.

Here is the official Cul de Sac website.

Here is the petition endorsed by Kiana Firouz herself.

And this is her story.

Let’s make some noise, comrades.

please yall, sign the petition. this is abhorrent and an injustice in the truest sense.

my husband, my hero

2010-05-11T23:34:00.002-04:00

it occurs to me that i dont brag about DH (dear husband) on here nearly enough. which is a shame, considering what an amazing man he is. for the last day and a half i have been unpleasantly sick, and hes done a wonderful job taking care of me. he rubs my back whenever i ask, he makes me sammiches, he brings me juice, hes pretty much waited on me hand and foot. he even watched a little bit of twilight with me o.O i feel like ive been such a burden, but he just gives me a kiss and tells me im being silly ♥ hes so wonderful.

i love my husband ♥

if i could...

2010-05-09T15:42:00.000-04:00

if you had unlimited time/money/space/patience/whatever, what would would you do?

if i could, i would...

get regular manicures. i think i would feel so much more put together/prettier all the time if i had fakes for some reason...whether or not i had showered on any given day XD
buy coach purses, jimmy choo shoes and l.a.m.b. clothes
buy all our groceries at a local farmers market
whatever i cant find at farmers markets, id buy at whole foods
bake all our bread
make all our jam/jelly and tomato sauce
probably even make all our cheese (which apparently isnt as hard to do as you would think)
make a beautiful black and white wedding ring quilt
tend a moderately-sized garden full of beautiful vegetables and herbs
take up candle-making
buy every single book and dvd weve ever wanted lol
spend my weekends collecting shells on the beach somewhere in new england
attend all of ariellahs and rachel brices bellydance workshops and classes, no matter what state/country theyre in
start a rescue shelter for cats (and probably end up adopting all of them XD )
own my own photography studio, specializing in newborns and babies

support local businesses, and get discounts! :)

2010-05-06T10:26:00.002-04:00

so yesterday i was at house wine in old worthington (i adore that place btw, and if you havent been yet well, what are you waiting for?!) and this little green and black card at the cash register caught my eye. it was a discount card for the Small Business Beanstalk. according to their website, they are:

...a local-first company that leverages connections of all types to support business and community growth. We use problem solving, networking, and relationship-building techniques to grow small businesses through a unique combination of matchmaking and concierge services.

The SBB also connects local retail businesses to our Neighbors, a broad base of active consumers from all throughout the Columbus community. The SBB makes this easier with The SBB card, which provides discounts at independent retailers, restaurants and bars in neighborhoods throughout central Ohio.

We believe there is real, fiscal value when local businesses support other local businesses and when consumers shop local.

pretty much they encourage you to shop locally and support small local businesses. the discount card is accepted at a ton of places throughout columbus. the full list is on their website and their facebook page, but heres just a sampling:

Black Olive (15% off any purchase - excluding alcohol)

Oxygen Health & Fitness ($10 off monthly membership)

Hounddogs Pizza (20% off all food before 4:00 p.m., dine-in only M-F)

The Candle Lab (20% off)

Elli Nail Spa (5% off all services)

House Wine (15% off Enomatic Card for their wine vending machine)

Worthington Inn (15% off all food - excluding alcohol)

PromoWest (LC, Newport, etc.) (2 bonus tickets with every new Decibel Club membership & FREE entry to special events TBA)

like i said, this is just a small sampling of the places you can use your discount. i signed up for my card at house wine, but you can do it online or, im assuming, at any of the participating locations. its totally free. discounts for supporting local business? yes please! :)

just call me caroline ingalls

2010-05-04T23:45:00.002-04:00

im turning out to be much more domestic than i EVER thought i would be!!!

most of yall already know i bake obsessively, and i love to cook. ideally i plan on never buying spaghetti sauce again, because it is SO easy and fun to make! and tastes about a million times better. if i could, id never buy bread again either, id bake my own. i want to have a big garden full of fruits and veggies and herbs - nevermind the fact that im really not sure if i have a green thumb XD i already know how to knit; and now, despite the fact that my sewing skills are limited to patching up small holes in clothing, i find myself really wanting to make a quilt! and not just any quilt - a wedding ring quilt. which is apparently ridiculously hard. (mine would be white with black rings). i have no idea why i all of a sudden want to do this, that thought just came totally out of the blue! lol

i feel so old-fashioned, and i kind of like it :)

kermit lied - it IS easy being green! :)

2010-05-03T19:09:00.008-04:00

ive been reading this wonderful book (that i HIGHLY recommend) by barbara kingsolver called animal vegetable miracle. its about a family that moves from arizona to the appalachians and decides to eat nothing but what they can get locally or grow themselves. its incredibly interesting, with short essays from her children, recipes, and tons of facts about the current food industry in america. which is a lot more appalling than you would think. ill tell ya, reading the first few chapters alone has me wanting to do the same thing. unfortunately, i like living in columbus too much - i am not a farm girl lol.

fortunately for me, thanks to firefox's handy dandy StumbleUpon feature, i just found this amazing website - 66 things you can grow at home without a garden! im surprised at just how many different foods can be grown in containers; before i found this site, i thought you could only grow herbs, and maybe tomatoes if you have one of those topsy turvy things (which i would totally have, were it not for the fact that our balcony gets zero sunlight). but yes, i am super excited about this find, and i plan on eventually having a great deal of this list growing in our little apartment :) i also need to find some good farmers markets in the area, to supplement what i dont end up growing. i also plan to visit my cousins pick-your-own strawberry farm regularly. i want to buy local organic produce (and meat and dairy if available) whenever possible. not only will it be cheaper, but it will taste about a million times better. i mean really, have you ever had a garden-fresh tomato thats still warm from the sun? it is AMAZING. makes those impostors you buy in the produce section of your grocery store seem absolutely flavorless and boring. thank god my dad had a small garden while my siblings and i were growing up. those tomatoes have spoiled me, i wont settle for less than the best now. and the best means local, organic, and fresh.

new apartment! yay!

2010-05-03T10:30:00.002-04:00

so i finally got around to taking pictures of the new place :) chances are most of you have already seen these on facebook (or in person), but for those few of you who arent my facebook friends, heres the link: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2111321&id=50602056&ref=mf
the album is public, so you can all enjoy my adorable new apartment :) lol!

HAPPY WIZARDING INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!

2010-05-02T10:31:00.002-04:00

On this day 3 years ago, Harry Potter defeated Voldemort and liberated all of wizarding kind from his evil wrath!

Please celebrate responsibly; dont drink and fly

"We did it, we bashed them, wee Potter’s the one, and Voldy’s gone moldy, so now let’s have fun!"

HAPPY BELTANE!!!

2010-05-01T11:26:00.003-04:00

According to an article entitled "The Merry Month of May" on about.com, "The first day of May is still celebrated as a pre-Christian magical rite in some parts of England. Local people dance around a maypole (an ancient fertility symbol), in what was once one of England's most important festivals of the year." May Day and Beltane obviously have much in common, as both celebrate new growth and fertility. Even when May Day celebrations were banned in the late 16th century for being immoral, the customs died hard and it wasn't long before the festivities were once again widespread. But long before the May Day celebrations, with their maypole dancing, garlands and dances became popular, the ancient fire festival of Beltane took place for centuries.

It is not clear where or how the festival of Beltane first came about; Ronald Hutton in The Stations of the Sun mentions the first recorded instance of a bishop in Lincolnshire complaining about local priests who "demeaned themselves by joining games which they call the bringing-in of May" in 1240. May Games were recorded in Scotland in 1432. There is some speculation that Beltane and May Day is related to the ancient Roman festival of Floralia. According to the about.com article, this was "a six-day party in honor of Flora, the goddess of Spring and Flowers, the Floralia was a time of singing, dancing and feasting in the ancient capital." Dressed in bright colors in imitation of spring flowers, citizens would decorate the entire city with fresh blooms. "Hares and goats, symbols of fertility, would be let loose in gardens as protectors of Flora, and great singing and stomping would be heard in order to wake up Spring." Of course, dancing is a large part of May Day celebrations as well. Apparently, Flora was also the patron of prostitutes, and during this festival the Roman "working girls" participated enthusiastically, performing naked in theatres and taking part in gladiatorial events. The themes of fertility and sexuality are obviously still very much associated with Beltane and May Day amongst modern pagans... but let's look more closely at the ancient history of Beltane in the British Isles.

First of all, the origin of the name "Beltane" is disputed. The holiday was also known as "Roodmas" in England and "Walpurgisnacht" in Germany. Alternately spelled Bealtaine, Beltaine, and any number of Gaelic derived-spellings, it is also the Irish word for the month of May, and is said to mean anything from "Bel-fire" Feast of the god Bel" to "bright fire." Janet and Stewart Farrar, in Eight Sabbats for Witches offer an excellent tracing of the holiday's Irish roots, and particularly the European fire-god Belenus whom they believe this festival is named for (a name possible traced back to Baal, the bible's only pagan god, whose name simply means "Lord"). Ronald Hutton states that since the Celtic word "bel" means bright or fortunate, this is adequate to explain the translation as being "lucky fire" or "bright fire."

For FIRE is what this festival is all about. It is one of the two great fire festivals of the wheel of the year (the other is Samhain). It also falls upon the cross-quarter days, which mark the astrological movement of the sun. In ancient times, the calendar days for these holidays would have been roughly seven to eleven days AFTER we now celebrate them (usually on the first of the month). The way to know for sure is to observe when the sun reaches 15 degrees of the zodiac sign. For Beltane, this is Taurus, the Bull (the sun reaches 15 degrees Taurus on May 5th this year). At Lammas, Leo; at Samhain, Scorpio, and at Imbolc, Aquarius.

Samhain and Beltane divide the year into two distinct halves of great importance to agrarian-based societies (as in western Europe, where our Celtic calendar of eight major seasonal festivals originates). In F. Marian McNeill's book The Silver Bough, she states: "At Beltane, flocks and herds went to their summer pastures; as Hallowmass (Samhain) they returned to their winter quarters. Beltane may be regarded as a day of Supplication, when a blessing was invoked on hunter and herdsman, on cattle and crops." Whereas Samhain was a "Day of Thanksgiving, for the safe return of the wanderers and the renewal of the food supply."

Fire festivals in ancient times were seen as times of propitiation and purification. Propitiation, says McNeill, "means sacrifice; to propitiate the mysterious forces of nature and ensure fertility in field and fold and on the hearth."

(from www.witchvox.com, for full article click here)

lets play a game!

2010-04-29T11:42:00.003-04:00

if you had an unlimited budget and unlimited space and the food chain/climate did not play a factor, what pets would you want?

minipig!!

flemish giant

vampire squid! XD

itty bitty kraken!!!

adelie penguin

white tiger

panda!

and about a million more cats, including a scottish fold ♥

nutella brownies :)

2010-04-28T21:18:00.001-04:00

1 cup margarine, melted
3/4 cup cocoa
2 cups sugar
4 eggs
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons vanilla
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 jar nutella

preheat oven to 350, grease 9x13 pan. place melted margarine into a large bowl; add cocoa and stir until well blended. add sugar, mix well. add eggs, one at a time, blending well after each addition. add flour, vanilla, and salt; stir until just mixed together. pour about 3/4 of batter into prepared pan. microwave nutella jar for approx 15 seconds (makes it easy to pour) and pour over batter. microwave nutella longer if necessary. pour remaining batter into pan; bake for 30 minutes or until done. nom repeatedly :)

yayyy!!!

2010-04-22T13:18:00.000-04:00

well weve moved just about everything into the apartment, all thats left is boxes from nenes house, and a couch and table, and those are all coming tonight :) right now im procrastinating finishing unpacking the kitchen, im almost done putting down the shelf liner but it SUCKSSSSS!!! lol. the cable guy hasnt come yet to hook up our stuff but luckily our neighbors have a superstrong unprotected signal that im borrowing ;) i promise i will post pix in a few weeks; i want to wait until we get the new tv and ive figured out exactly where i want everything to go and pictures are hung and stuff :) ITS SO GOOD TO BE HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

going stir-crazy

2010-04-19T13:04:00.001-04:00

all i want to do right now is move into our new apartment and unpack. i love my MIL and stepFIL to death and im so grateful they let us stay here while were waiting for our apartment, but i just want to be in my own space!! i want to be in OUR apartment, with our cats, on our schedule. im tired of imposing on them. plus now were trying to figure out who can help us move in and at what time and who can help us pick up the furniture were getting from my friends grandparents and on what day and when the cable guy is gonna come out and hook everything up and when we can go buy the new tv we want and everything and im just so tired of being in transition. i want to move in and get settled and just breathe. its starting to drive me crazy; im getting snippy and pissy and im taking it out on mitch and this just sucks. i keep telling myself, just two days left. just two more days...

while you were sleeping

2010-04-18T14:17:00.000-04:00

America, while you were sleeping, thousands of soldiers and marines were getting up early to catch their early bird flights back to Iraq. While you were sleeping, America, a young marine was sleeping next to his cargo bag to catch his flight out to someplace far away. Before dawn cracked on your horizon, men were getting up at 3 AM to make love to their wife one last time and kissing away her tears. They were hugging their half-asleep kids, feeding the dog, and buttoning up their ACUs as if today were just another day of work.

While you were sleeping, America, your military was already awake and keeping watch over you ♥

inspiration

2010-04-17T17:10:00.001-04:00

minorities

2010-04-15T17:10:00.001-04:00

We need to show more sympathy for these people.

* They travel miles in the heat.
* They risk their lives crossing a border.
* They don't get paid enough wages.
* They do jobs that others won't do or are afraid to do.
* They live in crowded conditions among a people who speak a different language.
* They rarely see their families, and they face adversity all day ~ every day.

I'm not talking about illegal Mexicans ~ I'm talking about our troops! Doesn't it seem strange that many Democrats and Republicans are willing to lavish all kinds of social benefits on illegals, but don't support our troops, and are even threatening to defund them?

HOME!!!

2010-04-13T23:46:00.001-04:00

mitch and i got to ohio around 5ish today. well...he got here at 5ish. i was about an hour behind because i was driving the stupid penske truck. lemme just say that next time we move, i am SO hiring movers >.< it is FANTASTIC to be back in ohio, and know that we NEVER have to see fayetteville again!!
we move into our apartment on the 21st!

anxiety

2010-04-12T01:38:00.001-04:00

for the last two days ive done pretty much nothing but pack. there isnt much left to do tomorrow, it wont even take me an hour. tomorrows task is picking up/loading up the truck. im gonna wait and see if DH will be done clearing and get home around 2, if not im gonna have to go get the truck myself. so either way the truck wont be here til late afternoon. which means i will have pretty much NOTHING to do in the morning. i am going to go NUTS. when things are down to the wire like this, and i dont have anything to do, i get so anxious. i hate it when i know there are still things left to be done, but for one reason or another i cant do those things right away. then i sit there and think about everything and worry that im gonna forget something and start obsessively making lists. i just get so jittery at times like this. if we were moving tomorrow i would be fine, it would be another task to do. but were not moving til tuesday, theres a whole day in between and i dont have enough productive activities to fill the time.

not to mention, it will still be a week or so after we get to OH til our apartment is ready. that just means more waiting around with no productive tasks to do. i want to get to OH and move our stuff into our apartment. not get to ohio, unload stuff from truck into storage unit, wait for apartment to be ready, and then finally move stuff into apartment. i just want to move in and unpack and get organized. then i will be able to *breathe* again. (until may 5, when i start back at graeters...ugh. i greatly enjoyed my last year or so of being a housewife lol).

and i know ive been saying i cant wait to GTFO of this place, but honestly, its bittersweet for me. yes, DH and i will finally be going home to our friends and family, but...what about the friends ive made here? im gonna miss yall so much not to mention, this was our first home together. this was the first place we lived as a married couple. theres an attachment to this place that i cant shake. while i may hate fayetteville, i love our townhome. i love our little complex, surrounded by pine trees. im going to miss this house. and i love going on post. it makes me feel...special, i guess. like im in the club lol.

and im anxious about DH being discharged. i went from living in my parents house to being married; army life is the only life ive known after gaining independence from my parents. i love the army, i love being an army wife (well...sometimes ). the first year and a half of our marriage was defined by the army; what will our relationship be like when we dont have that? i mean dont get me wrong; if weve made it through all the shit the army has thrown our way we can make it through anything, im not worried about our relationship falling apart or anything. i just...i dunno. im just scared of losing another constant in our lives. no more army, no more fayetteville, no more steady guaranteed paycheck, after 6 months no more insurance unless one of us finds a good job...SO many things are changing and im just scared. i dont like change, and this is a LOT of change all at once.

someone please pass me a xanax.

say hello to your friends...

2010-04-09T20:36:00.002-04:00

THE BABYSITTERS CLUB!!

guess what yall - the BSC is back, and now with a prequel! i am so excited about this lol, i ADORED those books when i was growing up! i so totally wanted to be claudia XD

http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/04/09/ann-m-martin-the-baby-sitters-club-re-issue/?icid=main|main|dl3|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lemondrop.com%2F2010%2F04%2F09%2Fann-m-martin-the-baby-sitters-club-re-issue%2F

and for a bit of nostalgia and bad acting ;)
http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/04/16/the-best-of-the-baby-sitters-club-on-film/

this post brought to you by the word "clusterfuck"

2010-04-09T09:03:00.004-04:00

so yesterday was a mess. mitch had txted me in the morning telling me to call the cable and utility companies and push back the dates we had scheduled for cancelling our service. no explanation, nothing. then i talked to mitchs mom and our plan of staying there and keeping the cats on the sunporch was a no-go. we decided that after the trauma of moving, and being in a new place, the cats would completely destroy to porch. and larry has been working so hard on fixing it up. so yesterday, i approached nervous breakdown status. i HATE not having any control whatsoever over what is happening, and with it being SO close to moving day and suddenly having no plan at all, well i pretty much lost it.
but now, i think we finally have a plan, one that isnt going to change or get fucked up or whatever. so we are doing a DITY move, we have no choice now since mitch went to the briefing the other day and the paperwork is already going thru and whatnot. so even though id prefer to wait until the army can move us and not spend outrageous amounts of money, we cant. so. were still leaving on the 12th or 13th depending on how long it takes mitch to clear post. mitch will be driving the truck and ill have the cats in the car. we are going to rent a storage unit for our stuff because our apartment wont be ready until the 21st. we are going to stay at his moms, although i have to double-check this with her. we can make other arrangements if need be. we are going to board the cats; the original plan was to have them at nenes with us and keep them on the sunporch, but larry is in the process of fixing it up and it wont be done before his surgery, and also with the cats having gone thru the trauma of moving, and being in a new place, were just afraid that they would destroy all the work that larry has put into the porch. so we found a place that looks really nice, and its only like $15/day per cat to board. so, i think this is the plan. i dont like it, id rather wait for the army to move us, but we just dont have that option anymore. cross your fingers and send good vibes that this doesnt change...i dont know how much more uncertainty i can handle.

wretched, pt. IV

2010-04-08T13:10:00.003-04:00

plans have changed again. i have no idea what the hell is going on anymore.

[edit] i need someone to bring me a grilled cheese sammich, 10 sex on the beach fishbowls, and an economy-sized bottle of xanax. please.

happy easter! ;)

2010-04-04T10:16:00.000-04:00

rant-a-palooza

2010-04-01T21:49:00.003-04:00

this day has got to be one of the worst days ive ever had. and thats not an exaggeration. i fucking hate this city and i cant fucking wait to move back home, and ill never ever have to come back here again.

so on our way back from OH to NC today, we got pulled over not once, but TWICE. we each got a speeding ticket, for a grand total of $300. the second one was complete bullshit though, because the cop was in an unmarked car and mitch was driving right next to him, going the SAME SPEED. i am so beyond pissed. it just figures that for a year and a half of making the drive, without ANY speeding tickets, we get TWO on the second-to-last time we will ever make this drive. i mean seriously?! i dont know which god we pissed off, but man theyre angry!

not to mention mitch got a call about half an hour after we got home and come to find out, this is a 4-day weekend, so we really didnt even have to come back until MONDAY!!! >:(

then mitch and i were hungry so i went out to hardees to pick up some dinner. the drive thru attendant instead of calling me maam or some other polite term, called me "boo." ...seriously?

so then im almost home, im getting ready to pull into my parking spots (i park on the line in our two spots because we have a problem with people parking in our second spot without asking and it pisses me off lol). this guy a couple spots down is backing out at the same time im pulling in, and for a minute it looks like hes gonna stop so i can pull in. so i proceed to try and pull in when this assface DRIVES IN FRONT OF ME! i made a little diagram so yall can better understand how incredibly idiotic this guy was. i almost hit the motherfucker. as he was driving in front of me he just looked at me like "what?" i mean who the fuck does that?!

we signed a lease!

2010-03-24T11:52:00.003-04:00

mitch and i went to look at apartments yesterday, and we signed a lease with the Continent Village. we have a 2nd floor 2bed2bath apartment, with a balcony and a walk-in closet and a DISHWASHER!!! its a little bit ridiculous how excited i am about this damn dishwasher lol. we move in hopefully on april 12th, as long as the army doesnt decide to fuck us one last time.

heres some pix, this place is just too cute!! http://www.move.com/apartmentsforrent-detail/6374-busch-blvd-358_columbus_oh_43229_C496626

omfg...

2010-03-21T23:31:00.002-04:00

packing boxes and cleaning supplies and non-perishables and toiletries and clothes and kitty litter...homemade spaghetti sauce and homemade natural cleaning supplies and yeast and milk...coupons and sales and lists...health insurance and doctors appointments and prescription refills...xbox and printer and laptop and desktop and phone chargers and ipod and cds and wires, so many random wires why the hell do we have so many random wires and cables?!...candles and vases and books and scrapbook supplies.....omfg so much on my mind there is NO WAY i will be able to get to sleep any time soon!!!

tylenol pmmmmm...

"the highwayman" by alfred noyes

2010-03-21T17:34:00.001-04:00

PART ONE

THE wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees,
The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
The road was a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
And the highwayman came riding—
Riding—riding—
The highwayman came riding, up to the old inn-door.

He'd a French cocked-hat on his forehead, a bunch of lace at his chin,
A coat of the claret velvet, and breeches of brown doe-skin;
They fitted with never a wrinkle: his boots were up to the thigh!
And he rode with a jewelled twinkle,
His pistol butts a-twinkle,
His rapier hilt a-twinkle, under the jewelled sky.

III

Over the cobbles he clattered and clashed in the dark inn-yard,
And he tapped with his whip on the shutters, but all was locked and barred;
He whistled a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there
But the landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Bess, the landlord's daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.

And dark in the dark old inn-yard a stable-wicket creaked
Where Tim the ostler listened; his face was white and peaked;
His eyes were hollows of madness, his hair like mouldy hay,
But he loved the landlord's daughter,
The landlord's red-lipped daughter,
Dumb as a dog he listened, and he heard the robber say—

"One kiss, my bonny sweetheart, I'm after a prize to-night,
But I shall be back with the yellow gold before the morning light;
Yet, if they press me sharply, and harry me through the day,
Then look for me by moonlight,
Watch for me by moonlight,
I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way."

He rose upright in the stirrups; he scarce could reach her hand,
But she loosened her hair i' the casement! His face burnt like a brand
As the black cascade of perfume came tumbling over his breast;
And he kissed its waves in the moonlight,
(Oh, sweet, black waves in the moonlight!)
Then he tugged at his rein in the moonliglt, and galloped away to the West.

PART TWO

He did not come in the dawning; he did not come at noon;
And out o' the tawny sunset, before the rise o' the moon,
When the road was a gypsy's ribbon, looping the purple moor,
A red-coat troop came marching—
Marching—marching—
King George's men came matching, up to the old inn-door.

They said no word to the landlord, they drank his ale instead,
But they gagged his daughter and bound her to the foot of her narrow bed;
Two of them knelt at her casement, with muskets at their side!
There was death at every window;
And hell at one dark window;
For Bess could see, through her casement, the road that he would ride.

III

They had tied her up to attention, with many a sniggering jest;
They had bound a musket beside her, with the barrel beneath her breast!
"Now, keep good watch!" and they kissed her.
She heard the dead man say—
Look for me by moonlight;
Watch for me by moonlight;
I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way!

She twisted her hands behind her; but all the knots held good!
She writhed her hands till her fingers were wet with sweat or blood!
They stretched and strained in the darkness, and the hours crawled by like years,
Till, now, on the stroke of midnight,
Cold, on the stroke of midnight,
The tip of one finger touched it! The trigger at least was hers!

The tip of one finger touched it; she strove no more for the rest!
Up, she stood up to attention, with the barrel beneath her breast,
She would not risk their hearing; she would not strive again;
For the road lay bare in the moonlight;
Blank and bare in the moonlight;
And the blood of her veins in the moonlight throbbed to her love's refrain .

Tlot-tlot; tlot-tlot! Had they heard it? The horse-hoofs ringing clear;
Tlot-tlot, tlot-tlot, in the distance? Were they deaf that they did not hear?
Down the ribbon of moonlight, over the brow of the hill,
The highwayman came riding,
Riding, riding!
The red-coats looked to their priming! She stood up, straight and still!

VII

Tlot-tlot, in the frosty silence! Tlot-tlot, in the echoing night!
Nearer he came and nearer! Her face was like a light!
Her eyes grew wide for a moment; she drew one last deep breath,
Then her finger moved in the moonlight,
Her musket shattered the moonlight,
Shattered her breast in the moonlight and warned him—with her death.

VIII

He turned; he spurred to the West; he did not know who stood
Bowed, with her head o'er the musket, drenched with her own red blood!
Not till the dawn he heard it, his face grew grey to hear
How Bess, the landlord's daughter,
The landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Had watched for her love in the moonlight, and died in the darkness there.

Back, he spurred like a madman, shrieking a curse to the sky,
With the white road smoking behind him and his rapier brandished high!
Blood-red were his spurs i' the golden noon; wine-red was his velvet coat,
When they shot him down on the highway,
Down like a dog on the highway,
And he lay in his blood on the highway, with the bunch of lace at his throat.

* * * * * *

And still of a winter's night, they say, when the wind is in the trees,
When the moon is a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
When the road is a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
A highwayman comes riding—
Riding—riding—
A highwayman comes riding, up to the old inn-door.

Over the cobbles he clatters and clangs in the dark inn-yard;
He taps with his whip on the shutters, but all is locked and barred;
He whistles a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there
But the landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Bess, the landlord's daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.

blessed ostara!

2010-03-20T12:42:00.002-04:00

Long ago, the Germanic goddess Ostara (or Eostre) was honored in the month of April each year with festivals honoring rebirth and renewal. Nowadays we recognize her festival as Easter. The name Easter evolved from the Goddess's name, which means "movement towards the rising sun" or "east." Ostara is the living symbol for air and the life force of spring. East is representative of the element of air and our mental powers. Air is about new beginnings and allowing our spirit to soar. Ostara is still one of the most powerful goddesses today; so much so that she has made herself right at home within Christianity and modern medicine, and egg decorating is still a fine art in Germany!
Easter, like most pagan festivals, evolved into a Christian holiday, focusing not on the Goddess but on the Biblical Jesus and his "rebirth" or "resurrection." Even so, Easter somehow managed to retain the fertility symbols and the Easter basket. Ostara, the Goddess of fertility, has managed to infiltrate our society with the well-known "rabbit test" to find out if a woman is pregnant and also the hormone estrogen, both said to be named for her. Ostara is the perfect doddess to call on when dealing with women's health issues, especially when related to the reproductive system.
Ostara is the goddess of joy, new beginnings and fertility. That is where Easter eggs and Easter bunnies come in. Eggs are an obvious symbol for fertility and the rabbit (Ostara's power animal) has a rather well-known propensity for reproducing. Ostara presides over our personal renewal and fertility issues. She is the goddess of dawn and new beginnings.
Eggs were (and still are) dyed or painted bright colors as an offering to Ostara. Dawn is the best time to invoke her. In days of old, fires were lit at dawn in her honor.

once a Braggette, always a Braggette!

2010-03-19T10:28:00.002-04:00

i cant wait to move back to ohio, i miss my family and friends like crazy! but im really gonna miss the amazing friends i made here too :( yes, our experience with the army hasnt exactly been stellar, but if it werent for the army i never wouldve met these amazing women whom i love dearly ♥ phoenix and kelsey and dominique, i love you guys and i will miss you all so much!! ♥

prop 8: the musical

2010-03-18T16:14:00.006-04:00

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... from Jack Black

an apache blessing

2010-03-17T18:52:00.002-04:00

may the sun bring you new energy by day
may the moon softly restore you by night
may the rain wash away your worries
may the breeze blow new strength into your being
may you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life

top o' the mornin' to ye!

2010-03-17T12:34:00.001-04:00

happy st paddys day! today, everyone is irish :)
(and yes even though st patricks day celebrates a man who nearly eradicated paganism from ireland, my husband is irish and therefore i choose to celebrate the irish heritage rather than the religious persecution :)

randominity

2010-03-16T22:50:00.004-04:00

i dont know why i love the show 16&pregnant so much. 99% of the baby daddies piss me the hell off. fuckin deadbeats.

r-pattz and k-stew need to stop acting and stop being so damn famous. they suck. they have zero talent. and r-pattz has two looks only: pissed off, and constipated.

i absolutely cannot wait to move home. just a few more weeks and well be back in ohio for good. i miss my family, i miss my friends, i miss having fun places to go and just sit. and i miss having access to a GOOD library. the library here blows >.<

spring is weird for me. its like i dont exactly know what to do with myself. the way things are changing, winter is melting away and you can almost smell the sunshine...it makes me want to run around in a field or something. yes i know that sounds hippy lol. seriously though, i dont know how to describe it. i want to get outside, go to a park and lay in the grass, go for a walk along a river...its almost like my body wants to be a part of nature, and theres no real way to accomplish that. sometimes at night ill lay in bed unable to sleep because i feel like crawling out of my skin. its not exactly a pleasant feeling either lol.
plus i feel like i should be hanging out with the old youth group crowd, even though i dont really talk to them anymore. the only reason i can think of is that once i graduated high school and had nothing to do during the spring, michelle and i hung out with that crowd pretty much all day every day. i mean before 2006, spring to me consisted of spending spring break hanging around the house because we didnt really go anywhere. so in my mind the only thing to do is hang out with the youth group, because thats the only precedent i have. time to build new memories lol.

i am all about middle eastern music right now. pretty much because im obsessed with bellydance lol. i listen to it while going for walks, while doing the dishes, while doing laundry (and then i unconsciously start shimmying while im folding clothes in the laundromat and that gets me several funny looks lol). i just love it. if i try to listen to old favorites like fall out boy or something i get bored rather quickly. its amazing to me how much my mood - and the time of year - affects my musical interests. in the spring i tend to listen to either m-flo, or indie pop like imogen heap and feist. in the summer its upbeat happy top 40 music all the way. in the fall i tend to play asobi seksu on repeat, and my winter playlist consists of gwen stefani, the sundays, M.I.A. and daft punk (hows that for an eclectic combination?) but yea right now im all about bellydance music :)

like i said im pretty much obsessed with bellydance. i cant wait to find an instructor in columbus and start taking classes again. i love dancing, i always have. but bellydance is different. when i bellydance i feel like im doing something that im truly meant to be doing. it just feels right, it feels good. i feel like im truly discovering who i am, who im meant to be. when i dance i feel free. and i feel like thats something ive been searching for for a long time. so phoenix, i owe you big-time for helping me shimmy my way in to the bellydance world :)

people need to stop turning nicholas sparks books into movies. theyre sappy and cheesy and just generally not good. especially when miley cyrus is playing a lead role >.<

sometimes i wonder how i turned out the way i did, what with my background and upbringing. i was raised in a conservative church-going family, and i am neither conservative nor church-going. i have zero problem with gay marriage, body modification, "going green," etc. and i identify as pagan. although i havent completely made up my mind as to whether or not to completely leave the church...there are still some aspects i love and have great respect for. but overall i just agree more with pagan ideas. even though i dont have an altar set up and ive never cast a circle...i dont really actually do anything. one because im still learning about paganism, and two because sometimes i really feel like im more spiritual than religious, if that makes any sense. probably not but i dont know a better way to describe it lol. overall, i just believe in tolerance and love. i dont understand why people cant just live and let live. why cant people just see that their chosen religion is one path among many to a higher power? i just cant fathom the idea that one specific religion is the one and only way and "the Truth" and everything. and i certainly dont agree with proselytizing...the idea of talking someone into changing their faith is just beyond me. like i said, live and let live.

sorry for the rambling yall...im in a random mood.

so many thoughts and emotions...

2010-03-14T00:50:00.002-05:00

and i cant for the life of me even begin to put them into words. i hate that feeling.

nothing bad, spring is just a strange time for me. lots of old feelings and memories are dredged up and i feel like i should be doing something, anything, other than what i am doing. this has been happening every spring for the past several years.
i hate feeling like im cheating myself out of something big.