rank recognition made easy

General

Faster than a speeding bullet.
More powerful than a locomotive.
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
Walks on water.
Lunches with God, but must pick up tab.

Colonel

Almost as fast as a speeding bullet.
More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline.
Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
Walks on water if sea is calm.
Talks to God.

Lieutenant-Colonel

Faster than an energetically thrown rock.
Almost as powerful as a speeding bullet.
Leaps short buildings with a running start in favourable winds.
Walks on water of indoor swimming pools if lifeguard is present.
May be granted audience with God if special request is approved at least three working days in advance.

Major

Can fire a speeding bullet with tolerable accuracy.
Loses tug-of-war against anything mechanical.
Makes impressively high marks when trying to leap tall buildings.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by God, in passing.

Captain

Can sometimes handle firearm without shooting self.
Is run over by trains.
Barely clears outhouse.
Dog paddles.
Mumbles to self.

Lieutenant

Is dangerous to self and comrades if armed and unsupervised.
Recognizes trains two out of three times.
Runs into tall buildings.
Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of life jacket and water wings.
Talks to walls.

2nd Lieutenant

Can be trusted with either gun or ammunition but never both.
Must have train ticket pinned to jacket and mittens tied to sleeves.
Falls over doorsteps while trying to enter tall buildings.
Plays in Mud puddles.
Studders.

Officer Cadet

Under no circumstances to be issued with gun or ammunition, and must even be closely supervised when handling sharp pieces of paper - staples are right out.
Says: "Look at choo choo!"
Not allowed inside buildings of any size.
Makes good boat anchor.
Mere existence makes God shudder.

Sergeant-Major

Catches hyper sonic armour peircing fin stabilized discarding sabot depleted uranium long rod penetrators in his teeth and eats them.
Kicks bullet trains off their tracks.
Uproots tall buildings and walk under them.
Freezes water with a single glance; parts it with trifling gesture.
Is God.

notalwaysright.com

The Bigger The Lie, The Higher They Fly
Airline | Chicago, IL, USA
(The captain of our aircraft had stepped off to get some paperwork as customers were boarding. One passenger looked up front and turned to our flight attendant.)

Passenger: “Why is there only one pilot up there?”
Flight attendant: “She is the first officer. The Captain will be back in a bit.”
Passenger: “Can they fly the plane with only one pilot?”
Flight attendant: “The other pilot will be back in a moment. He is taking care of some paperwork.”
Passenger: “Why are there two seats if there is only one pilot?”
Flight attendant: *gives up* “Well, sir… actually, she is just setting up the airplane and telling it where to go. In a few moments, she’ll push the start button and leave. The plane will fly us all the way there with no pilot at all.”
Passenger: “Oh! That’s neat!” *sits down, apparently satisfied*

i think

it would be fun to try out for americas next top model

i have a new favorite

"Bath & Body Works has introduced Butterfly Flower, a new addition to their Signature Collection.
Inspired by the natural elegance and playful femininity of a butterfly garden in full bloom, master perfumers have blended French mimosa petals, Asian syringa flower, luscious tangerine and tenufolia orchid to create this vibrant fragrance.
Additional notes include black tea, cyclamen, banana leaf, coconut milk and musk."

i bought a wallflower in this fragrance and let me tell you, the whole first floor of my house smells absolutely amazing ^_^

i pretty much stole the idea for this post from shaka ^_^

what can i say? shes pretty awesome :)
so i have my army wife blog to keep family and friends updated on our crazy life, but i figured i needed a place for myself where i can just post my random musings. et voilà!
so for my first post i thought id post my "spring playlist." because i love spring. i love everything about it. i love the rainshowers and the smell after the rain, i love all the green, i love the flowers that start to peek out...i just love spring. so these are songs that, to me, mean spring is here (and as i am listening to this playlist, the windows are open and i can hear the rain falling and smell the lavender candle im burning...perfect♥ ).

annie - heartbeat
asobi seksu - goodbye
bloc party - so here we are
broken social scene - 7/4 (shoreline)
death cab for cutie - soul meets body
feist - 1234
frou frou - let go
imogen heap - goodnight & go
the lashes - sometimes the sun
leona naess - calling
m-flo ♥ katou miliyah - one day
neko case - a widows toast
the postal service - such great heights
royksopp - 49%
the shins - phantom limb
utada hikaru - passion

flowers are one of the absolute best things about spring. favorites: