Tuesday, August 10, 2010

ed, you have to go be gay for that poor dead intern.

i have started this entry at least 5 times and it all sounds just dumb.  so pretty much heres whats been happening.

- found out a close family friend has cancer, but they caught it early and shes doing really well
- went out for my bday, had a blast, dont remember half the night
- spent the next day recovering and skipped the dublin irish festival
- my soulmate and her hubby were in town and stayed the night last night, had a BLAST!!
- grandpa is back in the hospital, and right now the doctors are thinking cancer, but apparently its still too early to tell
- our anniversary is tomorrow and were going to house of japan for dinner

i am exhausted, both physically and with all the bad shit, mentally and emotionally.  so much has happened in a single week and i just want to check out for a bit.  i want to run away to massachusetts for a bit and spend my time in salem and on the beach, reading and bellydancing and doing absolutely nothing responsible.  and by nothing responsible i do not mean wild nights of drinking and debauchery, i mean i dont want to worry about bills or cleaning or hospitals or ANYTHING.  i need a vacation from life so bad.  apparently i do not deal well with crises.  add to this the fact that i really dont know how much more grandpa can take (this is the third time in a year hes been hospitalized) and its freaking me the hell out because ive never really had to deal with death in my life yet.  both my great-grandmothers died when i was too young to really get it and i dont remember them much at all, and my great grandpa died when i was in grade school and i hadnt really gotten to know him all that well because he lived in a nursing home that was a bit of a drive.  ive grown up with all four of my grandparents alive and well and while on the one hand i am so blessed to have that, it also makes it just that much harder when they do eventually die just because ive known them all my life.  ive never really had to deal with death, and the reality that i probably will very soon (because lets face it, my grandparents arent exactly young) just scares the hell outta me.

*deep breaths* wooooooooooooooooosa.....

1 comments:

Tine said...

*HUG*HUG*HUG*

Why do I feel like most of my comments to you start with a hug?

Anyway, you're a strong woman and you can make it through this! If you need anything, you know where I live. :D

<3 Bestie