Tuesday, March 16, 2010


i dont know why i love the show 16&pregnant so much. 99% of the baby daddies piss me the hell off. fuckin deadbeats.

r-pattz and k-stew need to stop acting and stop being so damn famous. they suck. they have zero talent. and r-pattz has two looks only: pissed off, and constipated.

i absolutely cannot wait to move home. just a few more weeks and well be back in ohio for good. i miss my family, i miss my friends, i miss having fun places to go and just sit. and i miss having access to a GOOD library. the library here blows >.<

spring is weird for me. its like i dont exactly know what to do with myself. the way things are changing, winter is melting away and you can almost smell the sunshine...it makes me want to run around in a field or something. yes i know that sounds hippy lol. seriously though, i dont know how to describe it. i want to get outside, go to a park and lay in the grass, go for a walk along a river...its almost like my body wants to be a part of nature, and theres no real way to accomplish that. sometimes at night ill lay in bed unable to sleep because i feel like crawling out of my skin. its not exactly a pleasant feeling either lol.
plus i feel like i should be hanging out with the old youth group crowd, even though i dont really talk to them anymore. the only reason i can think of is that once i graduated high school and had nothing to do during the spring, michelle and i hung out with that crowd pretty much all day every day. i mean before 2006, spring to me consisted of spending spring break hanging around the house because we didnt really go anywhere. so in my mind the only thing to do is hang out with the youth group, because thats the only precedent i have. time to build new memories lol.

i am all about middle eastern music right now. pretty much because im obsessed with bellydance lol. i listen to it while going for walks, while doing the dishes, while doing laundry (and then i unconsciously start shimmying while im folding clothes in the laundromat and that gets me several funny looks lol). i just love it. if i try to listen to old favorites like fall out boy or something i get bored rather quickly. its amazing to me how much my mood - and the time of year - affects my musical interests. in the spring i tend to listen to either m-flo, or indie pop like imogen heap and feist. in the summer its upbeat happy top 40 music all the way. in the fall i tend to play asobi seksu on repeat, and my winter playlist consists of gwen stefani, the sundays, M.I.A. and daft punk (hows that for an eclectic combination?) but yea right now im all about bellydance music :)

like i said im pretty much obsessed with bellydance. i cant wait to find an instructor in columbus and start taking classes again. i love dancing, i always have. but bellydance is different. when i bellydance i feel like im doing something that im truly meant to be doing. it just feels right, it feels good. i feel like im truly discovering who i am, who im meant to be. when i dance i feel free. and i feel like thats something ive been searching for for a long time. so phoenix, i owe you big-time for helping me shimmy my way in to the bellydance world :)

people need to stop turning nicholas sparks books into movies. theyre sappy and cheesy and just generally not good. especially when miley cyrus is playing a lead role >.<

sometimes i wonder how i turned out the way i did, what with my background and upbringing. i was raised in a conservative church-going family, and i am neither conservative nor church-going. i have zero problem with gay marriage, body modification, "going green," etc. and i identify as pagan. although i havent completely made up my mind as to whether or not to completely leave the church...there are still some aspects i love and have great respect for. but overall i just agree more with pagan ideas. even though i dont have an altar set up and ive never cast a circle...i dont really actually do anything. one because im still learning about paganism, and two because sometimes i really feel like im more spiritual than religious, if that makes any sense. probably not but i dont know a better way to describe it lol. overall, i just believe in tolerance and love. i dont understand why people cant just live and let live. why cant people just see that their chosen religion is one path among many to a higher power? i just cant fathom the idea that one specific religion is the one and only way and "the Truth" and everything. and i certainly dont agree with proselytizing...the idea of talking someone into changing their faith is just beyond me. like i said, live and let live.

sorry for the rambling yall...im in a random mood.


Tine said...

Ohmygoodness, I feel the exact same way about spring! It's like I'm re-energized and I don't know what to do with myself.

Ditto to your thoughts on religion. I'm technically Catholic, and while I'm living at home, I have to go to Mass (when my mom feels like it, lol). But I've never gotten anything out of going to church, not even in high school when I was more religious. It doesn't give me that inner peace or whatever that people talk about. Honestly, most of the time, it makes me want to nap, or I daydream. Plus, while there are things that I like, there are things that I hate, like that BS about the gay couple whose kid wasn't allowed to re-enroll. Also, I'd like to think that people who are in other religions could go to heaven. When I was little, that REALLY bothered me because my dad's side of the family is Lutheran, and I freaked out because I want to see them all in heaven someday. Blah.

I feel like we need to have a good talk or 12 when you come back to C-bus. :)

brenda said...

agree completely on the talking :)