Monday, April 12, 2010


for the last two days ive done pretty much nothing but pack. there isnt much left to do tomorrow, it wont even take me an hour. tomorrows task is picking up/loading up the truck. im gonna wait and see if DH will be done clearing and get home around 2, if not im gonna have to go get the truck myself. so either way the truck wont be here til late afternoon. which means i will have pretty much NOTHING to do in the morning. i am going to go NUTS. when things are down to the wire like this, and i dont have anything to do, i get so anxious. i hate it when i know there are still things left to be done, but for one reason or another i cant do those things right away. then i sit there and think about everything and worry that im gonna forget something and start obsessively making lists. i just get so jittery at times like this. if we were moving tomorrow i would be fine, it would be another task to do. but were not moving til tuesday, theres a whole day in between and i dont have enough productive activities to fill the time.

not to mention, it will still be a week or so after we get to OH til our apartment is ready. that just means more waiting around with no productive tasks to do. i want to get to OH and move our stuff into our apartment. not get to ohio, unload stuff from truck into storage unit, wait for apartment to be ready, and then finally move stuff into apartment. i just want to move in and unpack and get organized. then i will be able to *breathe* again. (until may 5, when i start back at graeters...ugh. i greatly enjoyed my last year or so of being a housewife lol).

and i know ive been saying i cant wait to GTFO of this place, but honestly, its bittersweet for me. yes, DH and i will finally be going home to our friends and family, but...what about the friends ive made here? im gonna miss yall so much :( not to mention, this was our first home together. this was the first place we lived as a married couple. theres an attachment to this place that i cant shake. while i may hate fayetteville, i love our townhome. i love our little complex, surrounded by pine trees. im going to miss this house. and i love going on post. it makes me feel...special, i guess. like im in the club lol.

and im anxious about DH being discharged. i went from living in my parents house to being married; army life is the only life ive known after gaining independence from my parents. i love the army, i love being an army wife (well...sometimes :lol:). the first year and a half of our marriage was defined by the army; what will our relationship be like when we dont have that? i mean dont get me wrong; if weve made it through all the shit the army has thrown our way we can make it through anything, im not worried about our relationship falling apart or anything. i just...i dunno. im just scared of losing another constant in our lives. no more army, no more fayetteville, no more steady guaranteed paycheck, after 6 months no more insurance unless one of us finds a good job...SO many things are changing and im just scared. i dont like change, and this is a LOT of change all at once.

someone please pass me a xanax.